Americans go on a train in Europe that ends up being their last ride. That's this film summed up in one sentence, one boring sentence that actually is more entertaining than the film. This is Hostel meets Turistas on a train. How many times have we seen good-looking Americans (ugly ones never travel) that somehow get caught up in some sick plot about killing for for money, organ harvesting, teaching lessons, etc. These films seem like ANTI-TRAVEL ads, if you leave the states, you're going to die.The film doesn't bother with a plot, it simply needs to get characters for the slaughter in specific locations so bad guys can do harmful things to them. Films like these are basically an excuse to showcase gore, just like a film such as 2012 is made to showcase special effects. So how do you judge a film that is simply about cutting people up? You judge it on how well they accomplish that, how creative it can be and if it made you squirm. Does Train do any of these things? Well, characters are beaten, urinated on, cut open, stabbed, castrated, etc. So there is no real creativity going on here. People are simply chained up and then cut open for the most part. Train manages to fall into the horror clichés that have plagued the genre like a sickness. Let's take a look:1. Characters have a chance to escape, but don't? Check. 2. Characters have a weapon, drop it and leave it instead of using it? Check. 3. Characters give away passports/I.D. to strangers in other country just because? Check. 4. Characters go back to save someone who cannot be saved? Check. 5. Characters have opportunity to kill attacker, but instead choose to simply injure then run away? CHECK.This film had me rolling my eyes so much I hurt my eyeballs. Train is a flick you can miss, it adds nothing to the genre in terms of suspense, thrills, gore, entertainment, anything. It will anger you, frustrate you, cause you to rip your hair out. All these things and more!!!!

I am a big fan of horror movies. Especially non-slasher disturbing shock cinema films. I love gory disturbing films with explicit violence if it has purpose and sense to the story. But this one doesn't. Sure, violence is there, and it has some great moments of massacre, but other that that, it still feels somehow censored (not showing penises several times throughout the film, for instance).Also, I'm the first person who sympathizes with heroes more than with villains in most horror films. Usually, I hope many survive, especially my favorite characters. However, in this one I didn't have any favorite characters. Somehow, all the 'good' characters are flat and pointless. Two of the characters are irredeemably stupid, two are decent, but killed to early. One had potential, but did nothing worthwhile. Thora Birch's character was the only one making sense, until... she returned on train!!! Really?? Not only Hollywood-esque, but also stupid and irrational decision. Her fight with the villains was rushed too.The villains were cool, though. Bit cliché, but the boss had unique face and was very attractive, conductor was cool too and the butcher had potential. I enjoyed inbred retards as well.Oh, yeah, just to mention (to whoever wants to spoil the end), no surprises whatsoever. Thora survives, all villains and all other good characters die. Just generic and predictable.However, OK horror flick for seeing if you are searching for blood and guts. But there are better films for that too, Hostel, Saw franchise and Hills Have Eyes being some of them.But, I'm being generous, since I gladly give 9s and 10s to movies I really love. This one isn't that awful, but if you expect Hostel, just don't. You'd be very disappointed.

Oh, how I love the way the almighty good old US of A assumes that literally every single human being from Eastern Europe is a psychopathic butcher with bad personal hygiene, hideous scars all over and a fetish for amateur surgery. Bunch of American college students – athletes participating in an international tournament – miss their reserved train and thus have to travel to Ukraine in an alternative and deteriorating old train that is of course chock full of sadist and deeply unpleasant Eastern Europeans whose hobby is torturing foreigners. Wow, that is so original! No wait, I'm mistaken … it's actually the most dull, derivative and exaggeratedly overdone concept of the past ten years. I read here in the trivia section that "Train" was initially supposed to become a remake of "Terror Train"; a rather insignificant and almost entirely forgotten early 80's slasher starring scream queen Jamie Lee Curtis. So ironically enough, instead of a lousy and totally redundant remake, the film became a lousy and totally redundant clone of "Hostel" and approximately two dozen of other so-called torture porn flicks. But hey, the good news for fans of this particular sub genre of horror is that "Train" is definitely worth a rent if you need to still your hunger for nauseating gore and gratuitous bloodshed. The movie opens already with grisly images of a cadaver being skinned from head to toes and subsequently cut open, and there's plenty of more, including impalement, bludgeoning, throat slicing, meat-hooking, woman beating, raping, axe-wielding, head crushing and disembowelment. All this, of course, without any type of anesthetics and/or sterilized medical equipment! Writer/director Gideon Raff loves to show everything in great detail so be advised that "Train" is a really disgusting and ghastly flick. Thora Birch is too good of an actress to star in flicks like these, but luckily she's there, as the rest of the cast is bland and the maniacs are solely selected on their menacing grimaces.

It's not often that I'm able to sum up an entire film's plot effectively with only four words, but with this one it's easy: Hostel on a train. Writer/director Gideon Raff has taken the basic premise of Eli Roth's 2005 horror hit, in which a bunch of American teens in Eastern Europe are hacked to pieces by sadistic killers, and transplanted it to a Russian steam locomotive. The result is a mean spirited and gory movie that should satisfy most viewers' blood-lust, but it is also a thoroughly daft effort rendered laughable by plot-holes big enough to drive the film's massive locomotive through.American Beauty star Thora Birch plays Alex, one of a group of American college wrestlers taking part in an international inter-school competition in Russia (she doesn't look much like wrestler, but I still wouldn't mind having a tussle). When Alex and her friends miss their scheduled rail connection to Odessa (having sneaked out to visit a local nightclub), they are tricked into taking an alternative train—one which turns out to be a mobile base for an organ harvesting operation. The kids are captured one-by-one and torn apart for their useful bits until only Alex is left alive; but although things look grim for the plucky girl, trapped and outnumbered on the speeding train, she's not about to give in without a fight.Raff's direction is proficient, the cast all do a reasonable job, and the effects are suitably stomach churning, but the extremely silly plot leaves one asking far too many questions for which there no reasonable answers: How could such an elaborate illegal operation be feasible? Why do the kids happily hand over their passports to the train's' obviously untrustworthy staff? Can extremely delicate transplants be carried out on a moving train? How does Alex keep on moving after receiving several punches to the face that would have floored an elephant? Why remove the organs in a filthy, stinking, rusty carriage when they would need to be kept as clean as possible? As the film progresses, more and more awkward questions arise, undermining any sense of tension.Given the stupidity of the narrative, it should also come as no surprise to learn that the characters make some really dumb decisions that don't exactly help their situation, including accepting an invitation to a party in an unfamiliar part of a foreign city, believing everything total strangers tell them, never fighting back (even when they outnumber their attacker and are trained wrestlers), and dropping any decent weapons in favour of running away unarmed.The strange thing is, despite all of the impossibilities presented by the plot and the sheer idiocy of the film's teens, I actually had a good time with Train: the gore went a long way to keeping me entertained, being extremely vicious at times and easily topping the excesses of Roth's movie; there is quite a bit of general depravity, including an orgy in the nightclub, two of the bad guys taking time out to urinate on a victim, and even a spot of necro-buggery; the ending is hilarious, with the diminutive Birch going all Rambo and taking on all of the baddies single-handedly; and I probably shouldn't have, but I loved the the fact that the film was so unapologetically xenophobic, with the loathsome Russians taken to such a ridiculous level—easily reaching 11 on the Evilometer—that they became more amusing than frightening.For keeping me entertained despite its many flaws and a complete absence of originality, I give Train a reasonable 6 out of 10.