THE WITCHES HAMMER is a really terrible British action horror indie feature, about an ass-kicking female fighter who is transformed into a super vampire and tasked with killing the members of an evil organisation intent on bringing destruction to the planet. Business as usual, in other words. Half of the film is made up of historical re-enactment material which is cheap and uninteresting while the rest features very poor fight scenes seemingly copied from the likes of BLADE and UNDERWORLD. Nobody seems to have any talent, least of all the CGI animators who do an appalling job. And just what is Stephanie Beacham, in a small role as a tarot card reader, doing here?

How anyone can give this anything over a 1 without invoking the power of the almighty "unintentional laugh" is beyond my understanding.Acting and character script: absolutely cringeworthy. Everything is stale, unemotional and wrong. "Oh I just died and can neither be with my husband nor child any more! What's more is that some strange people who are experimenting with me want me to be their new super duper killer! ...But... that's totally okay, because I'm a Vampire now *moronic smile*."Oscar is a master acrobat and a trained fighter" the guys says, apparently someone really to be fearful off. Yet he stops him by putting a fork through his hand, ramming it into the table. WHAT??Theme inconsistencies - A story is told of how the Witches Hammer came to being, somewhere before 1100AD, the movie of that story is in colour. Yet when another story is told about something that happened in the 1800s we get it in black and white and with silent film talk boxes. WHY? In the Witches Hammer story the people were dressed in 17th century, maybe 18th century clothing even though it's supposed to be around 1000AD, at the latest.Why do we need to know the French pronunciation of the word cardinal if it both sounds pretty much the same as the English pronunciation, and if that knowledge does absolutely nothing to further the story? WHY?And what's up with him being that absolutely incredibly strong and evil foe and when you get to meet him he's this whimpering little lump of ridiculous? If you're building up suspense and tension leading up to meeting a super villain, why then suddenly make a 180 degree turn and turn him into a soggy lump of nothing? Okay, not everybody can do super fight scenes - BUT IF YOU DON'T, THEN DON'T TRY! Why is the dead fat lady laughing while she's taking revenge on her father for poisoning her? Wouldn't she rather be full of rage, or sad or disappointed? No she butchers him with a happy smile. Why in all the world would she go out on a revenge spree if she's in such a good mood? That's it, I could go on for hours but what for? What remains is that I have another name of a director to stay away from. Sad that learning that name had to be such a painful experience.

Technically pretty good, except for the audio, which made it a bit difficult to pick the dialog out of the background noise. The acting was also not bad, considering that Everything Else about the movie, the script, the plot, the directing and the very structure of the movie, practically screams amateur.Disjointed, too many cutesy (or maybe they were supposed to be artsy) sequences. Juvenile script, as someone else mentioned, much of it looks like a project from a first-year student. The camera crew and the actors show promise, but this isn't the movie for anybody to shine in.The action sequences seemed okay, if sometimes a bit choppy. Frankly, it's difficult to find 10 lines of anything to say about this movie. The movie's not bad enough to be campy, but not good enough to recommend.

This is really terrible.The only redeeming feature about this movie is that the next time people ask me what is the worst vampire movie I have ever watched, I would have a suitable reply.I think it is filmed on 35 mm so it is already tacky like hell. I wouldn't have bothered commenting but I noticed some fanboys (probably connected to the movie) had claimed that this was the best movie since the Matrix. Let me debunk the myths and lies.There is nothing good in the movie. Everything yells tacky. The actress is ugly. The fight choreography is the worst I have ever seen. The fight scenes are unbelievably amateurish. Imagine a girl flailing her arms around in a circle helplessly and delivering weak kicks which wouldn't hurt a kitten. Obviously, the director just pulled people off the street to give them roles in the movie.I know the director did not have much budget for the movie but still better movies have been made on smaller budget before. Unforgivable.