See, that's exactly what happens when you're being mild and give favorable reviews to insignificant 80's horror movies like the original "The Unnamable". They make another one! The first one really wasn't too bad, and even occasionally entertaining, but seriously nobody needed a sequel. And this time, writer/director Jean-Paul Ouellette even had a slightly larger budget at his disposal, meaning the script is a lot more ambitious and there even was some money left to pay famous B-movie stars like John Rhys-Davies and the minuscule cameo appearance of David Warner. Even though part two came out five years after the original, we're supposed to not notice that the actors look a lot older and wear their hair in completely different styles. "The Unnamable Returns" carries on where the first film stopped, with Howard and Randolph escaping from the cursed Winthrop house. Notwithstanding the fact they quietly walked away unharmed at the end of the first film, they're now being taken away in ambulances and under massive police supervision. Randolph Carter, the self-proclaimed expert in demonology, returns to the catacombs underneath the house to investigate the origin of the half-woman-half-demonic-creature along with his university professor John Rhys-Davies. When they find it, they do what every rational scientist would do and inject the creature with insulin to separate the woman from the demon. Apparently it works, as the demon assumes something's wrong with the body and exits, leaving only the beautiful host Alyda. Randolph takes the 200-year-old naked beauty back to the dormitory, but the hideous winged demon creature follows their path. The original "The Unnamable" was perhaps a dumb and unmemorable film, at least it was entertaining. Part two is quite boring, pretentious and outstays its welcome with a running time of nearly 105 minutes. The script is full of incomprehensible gibberish about quantum physics and I sincerely doubt that any of the actors understood the lines they were speaking. The gore is minimal but it nevertheless is an unpleasant movie to look at because far too many innocent people die. Innocent bystanders, supportive characters that have done absolutely nothing to deserve to die and people that only wanted to help are being demolished by the creature's claws, whilst the dim-witted main characters get away with everything. That's just not right, not even if you exclusively watch horror films to see gore.

This may be one of the greatest (and when I say the greatest,I mean THE GREATEST) horror film I've seen since SHOWGIRLS! The lead actor, Mark Kinsey Stephensen, channels the Mr. Tamborine man-size cajones of William Shatner with the acting range of a toaster oven not plugged in and with no muffins in it. The presence of veteran actors David Warner and John Rhys-Sallah-Gimli-Davies only heightens the cheese factor to Limburger-sized heights. This film contains AT LEAST 12 rewindable moments, including the gratuitous butt-shots of ham-sandwich sporting actress Maria Ford, the attack in a library by the Unameable on a bunch of mullet-coiffed cops, and an Obi-Wan Kenobi moment in which the LA Gear wearing sidekick is visited by the ghost of the Gorton's fisherman. Kudos to the supporting cast as well, from obviously gay George Takei wannabe pal to the hairy-kneed college student who looks like bastard love child of Fabio and Corey Feldman. Stack 'em high and dig in.

The only real problem I had with this movie was that the most obvious things were never done. Spoiler alert now.Why didn't those crazy kids seal the tomb?Also, if you had a shotgun, a pistol and your fists and you needed to break into a room with double doors that looked like a pencil could open them if tapped sufficiently hard enough, wouldn't you start with the shotgun?I could go on, but I think you get the meaning.The whole thing is rendered moot by the inability to display common sense, but then again. I suppose that comment could apply to the entire history of mankind.Doh!

This movie was pretty good (Maria Ford being nude for over half an hour certainly helped!). It involved the Lovecraft Cthulu mythos, and they did a good job with them. I wish they identified what monster they were actually dealing with, but I guess the name wouldn't have worked then LOL. Peace.