Some items of note: A man in a suit jacket (no shirt), top hat, speedo and knee pads is doing tai chi in the middle of the desert when a bad Elvis impersonator shows up and has a nonsensical "conversation" with him.An invisible man (or woman?) plays the banjo to an evil clown wearing pantaloons. You'd think this would be funny, but it's just depressing.Scott Shaw, a very poor man's Nicolas Cage, tries to do Shatner, but comes across more like a kindergartner with a learning disability.Once in a while, you kind of get the sense that something is happening.You can never understand what anyone is saying because it sounds like construction was going on during filming. Except when Scott Shaw talks. Because he says one word every 5 seconds.Half of the movie takes place in the LA Aqueduct. Evil pantaloon clown awkwardly and fecklessly strikes a heavily-armored ninja guy with Nerf bats for a few minutes.It's LARPing on rollerblades.The soundtrack alternates between an off-balance washing machine and the drum tracks on a Hammond organ.The real star of this movie is Allison Chase's backside.All this, and it still manages to seem pretentious.

Looking for a movie for your Turkey Film Festival? THE ROLLER BLADE SEVEN is on my list of the ten worst films of all-time. The plot, the story of a post-Apocalyptic roller blading samurai warrior, is a convoluted hodge-podge of film references of everything from STAR WARS to THE SEVEN SAMAURI. The acting fluctuates from bland to abysmal. The scene where the villain tempts the old master is embarrassing to the point of jeering laughter. Frank Stalone's Black Knight reminds one too much of John Cleese's Black Knight in MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL. (Word of Advice, Frank: When you stoop to doing a movie like this one, your career is over.) I chanced upon this little stink-bomb on a low-end cable channel and I could not stop watching. It is like watching a train wreck, you just can't look away.

This has to be the greatest practical joke ever. I'm amazed that all the other actors kept a straight face. I might be wrong but the impression I get from this movie was that they duped Frank Stallone and Joe Estevez into acting in this movie that has a budget of just under $40, depending on how much those nerf bats and spray painted catcher's equipment cost, create the most incoherent movie ever created, and sit back and laugh at the fact that Joe Estevez and Frank Stallone weren't in on the joke. If by some chance they weren't kidding and they legitimately tried to make a real movie then I feel sorry for everyone involved in the creation. I've had quite a love affair with cheesy movies, but this movie is so bad I can hardly watch it. They repeat pointless "special effects" so many times that it's obvious they were just trying to cover up the fact that they only shot 30 minutes of footage. If I were forced to watch this movie on repeat I would bludgeon myself unconscious with my own hands after about one and a half times through. No offense to the great Frank Stallone, but I would rather watch Sylvester teach a fingerpainting class for 10 hours than watch that movie ever again.

For many years Ed Wood's Classic 'Plan 9' has been considered the worst film ever made. Forget it The Roller Blade Seven is infinitely worse. The cast is made up of famous peoples brothers and almost famous or has been actors and actresses. The plot along with the budget and script are non-existent. The running time is made up not in the classic Ed Wood style of using stock footage. Instead there is endless slow motion and repeated action. And as for The Roller Blade Seven aren't even seven of them!You must see this film just to know how bad film making can really be. Giving independent film makers everywhere hope.