Another nugget of movie-making gold from the crazed minds of Godfrey Ho, Joseph Lai, and the must-be-fictional IFD script unit. This time our pal Richard Harrison (who is unnerving without his trademark moustache, just like a young Burt Reynolds or a post-Fawlty John Cleese) returns as Ninja Master Gordon to train a young lad named Billy in the mystical arts of ninjitsu.Unfortunately for Billy, he hasn't reckoned on the lack of job prospects for 18th century Japanese assassins down at the local labour exchange, and finds himself returning to his home town without money or gainful employment, and facing a gang of extortionist thugs threatening his poor old mother that if she doesn't find any cash they'll "burn down your f***in' house"!!! Class.Whilst young Billy wrestles with the domestic soap opera aspects of ninja existence, his master Gordon is entangled in conflict with the startling Ivan the Red (Dave Wheeler), who possesses an amazing costume, a ludicrously macho and husky dubbed voice, and a truly sensational bass-lead theme tune. Seriously: if they release "Ivan's Theme" i predict it as Christmas number one with full confidence. Ivan's challenge to Gordon to fight to the death for NINJA SUPREMACY is spurned, and so Mr. The Red decides to take out a number of random ninjas clad in outfits of varying ludicrousness as they "train" (jump about a bit) in various neighbouring fields. Obviously, we're all waiting for the final showdown between these two ninja colossi, and we aren't disappointed.Well, we are, to be honest, but as with all of these movies, it's the journey , not the destination, that matters. And when we've encountered such hilariously inept dialogue, thrillingly pounding basslines, and dubbing so bad it may well make you mentally ill along the way, who can possibly complain? Only the type of person who wouldn't even "revenge" their own mother.

I'm pretty sure that Godfrey Ho is from outer space. His ninja movies are so utterly WRONG in every way that the only explanation must be that a being from Jupiter or wherever has taking a liking to martial arts films and thought to itself 'You know, I'm gonna try my hand at this, and no one will ever know the difference'. Well, I know Godfrey...I know. Only a being with a passing knowledge of human life could create a film like this. And while I'm on the subject I reckon Bruno Mattei may have been from the same planet.Ninja Squad may not be as insane as Ninja Terminator or Golden Ninja Warrior, but it tries. First off - the ninja story. Ivan the Red is trying to goad Richard Harrison into fighting for supreme ninja power or something, but Richard's busy picking a new carpet, so instead Ivan goes off killing other ninjas and stealing their special issue Ninja headbands. That's the ninja story.The other story involves Billy, who has been trained in Ultimate Ninja Technique, returning home to take on the mob who are harrassing his mother and possible his sister. That's the Billy story. Sadly, Billy's story is boring. Cheerily, the dubbing actually surpasses the other ninja movies I've mentioned. It's appears to me that it was dubbed live by folks who had no idea what was happening on screen. It has to be seen to be believed. For instance, someone approaches Billy and says 'I know where they're keeping your sister', and five minutes later someone else appears and say 'You sister has been kidnapped'...guh? As the ninja antics are more run of the mill than usual (although the acting is outstanding...ly bad), the dubbing is all this ninja movie has going for it. The weakest of the ninja flicks I've watched so far. I've got another five or six to go - bye bye brain cells!

It grates my potatoes when I read reviews on this site that say things like "This is worst film ever!" about films like Battlefield Earth, Pearl Harbour, etc. OK, these films are dreadful and made by people who should know better but compared to this tripe, and its ilk, I would describe Battlefield Earth as a cinematic masterpiece.I would concede that it's certainly possible to make a worse film than this but you have to be genuinely trying to make a bad film.** Spoilers ahead ** (Ha, as if you could spoil this film.)There are just so many things wrong with this film and it takes multiple viewings to spot them. E.g., at one point, John, a good guy, while trying to come up with a plan with rescue Billy's sister suggests using his adopted children a decoy! Also, the bad guy kidnaps Billy's sister early and doesn't think of using her as bait to capture Billy until right at the end of the film.Even the one thing that they seem to have put a bit of effort into - the gun-based action sequences - are bad. They're just boring and repetitive.However, I learnt several interesting things from this movie:1. Wherever this film is set, it is certainly a very cosmopolitan area. The lead character, who seems to have lived here all his life, has managed to pick up a South African accent. The evil gangsters all seem to sound Mexican and/or Asian. The women have an array of different, peculiar American accents. (Were the dubbing actors having bets on who could do most stupid voices?)2. Being brutally machine-gunned down results in no more than slight bleeding from the mouth (and then only sometimes).3. Any slight brush against a ninja's sword results in instantaneous death.4. Ninjas, i.e. stealth assassins, wear Day-Glo padded suits. A headband with 'ninja' written on it is the current must-have ninja accessory.5. Job prospects are poor for Asian ninjas nowadays. (You'd think Billy would have thought of that before going off to spend 10 years at Ninja School.) However, many of the causasian ones seem to have jobs that involve poncing about in glades.6. When a ninja dies, a windchime somewhere falls down.Nevertheless, this film is a hoot. I honestly can't decide if this it is really as bad this or if someone is taking the piss - especially with regards to the randomly interspersed ninja sequences and the godawful dubbing.Thoroughly recommended.

'Ninja Squad' is a truly bizarre film. There are two main plots - the main one being about Billy, a trainee ninja who appears to live somewhere in Indonesia and whose family is being terrorised by some gangsters. He has spent the last 10 years training as a ninja under 'The Master Ninja' who, oddly enough, is a blond-haired elderly white guy in a bright pink and silver shellsuit. In fact, all the ninjas (apart from billy) are all caucasian and all wear brightly coloured shellsuits and bands across their foreheads that say 'ninja'. An evil ninja called 'Red Ivan' is going around killing ninjas to try and prove he's better than 'The Master'. 'Red Ivan', by the way, has a bright red and gold jumpsuit.In the 'Billy' parts of the film, there isn't all that much hand-to-hand fighting - more of it is pitched gun battles. The brightly-coloured ninja bits have lots of slow-motion sword battles in them, but they're ultimately rather unsatisfying as the effects budget obviously didn't reach to fake blood.All in all a rather odd film (with a very bizarre ending) which was quite obviously a foreign film with some weird ninja stuff tacked on. Quite enjoyable, though.