Imagine if Jim Jarmush and Federico Fellini decided to re-interpret David Lynch's 'Inland Empire' and you might have a description of Takeshis.This is not to say that one film borrows from another (even though they were made around the same time) but there are some resemblances. For example, here a 'mix table' driven dance party takes the place of Empire's black rabbit comedy show, and seems to form some kind of a center connecting all of the time lines / dream sequences together.It's not for everyone, and like Empire it does take a lot out of you, but it's wholly original and definitely one of his best.

A few words about Kitano San to begin with for the uninitiated. Many of you will remember that crazy old 80's TV show called Takeshi's Castle, where contestants participated in a myriad of next-to-impossible obstacle courses with predictably hilarious, injurious, I've-got-a-bad- feeling-about-this, results. Well this is that very same Takeshi. The very same Takeshi who then went on to make a name for himself in the 90's with hauntingly beautiful (and often very violent) Yakuza films, before finding relative international success in the 2000's with the fascinating Zatoichi, a movie about a blind samurai, a pair of revenge- seeking geishas, and tap-dancing. Obviously. And in between? Well, that very same Takeshi made a lot of weird ones too. And when I say weird, I mean crazy, messed up, only-in-Japan weird. If you haven't realised by now I'm a big fan of "Beat" Kitano, a nickname he often likes to call himself. I love his charisma, his takes-no-lip attitude. His facial twitches and odd mannerisms. His involvement in the incredibly psychotic cult classic Battle Royale. I even put up with a lot of the ridiculousness that happens in his films, acknowledging it instead as a unique artistic vision with the defiance of an over-fervent stalker fan. But this time, with Takeshis', you've gone too far, Takeshi. You have gone too far.Only someone like Takeshi Kitano can make this reviewer, in an attempt to explain the plot of this film with the utmost of his ability, sound like a complete and utter fool. Allow me to demonstrate: Takeshis' is a movie about the real life Takeshi, as a director, making a movie, and there are auditions for this movie. Fair enough, so far so good; if Kitano is making a mockumentary-type satire about himself, fine. I won't even mention how this movie (the movie being watched, not the movie within the movie being watched) actually started with a scene in a WWII setting. Not relevant, not one bit. But it sure doesn't help when one of the people auditioning for Takeshi's movie is also played by Takeshi, and that this Takeshi, a character working in a convenience store, is practicing for the role of, seemingly, the real Takeshi in the movie within the movie. Umm. And then it turns out that every new scene is totally unrelated from the last, but still contains the same imagery and characters we've seen moments earlier in a different context. And some of these scenes are dreams. And that this dreaming Takeshi is now an altogether separate character who drives a pink taxi around, and who is not auditioning for a part but still meeting all the same people these other two Takeshis have already met. And in the end, the convenience store Takeshi kills the real life director Takeshi. And that last bit really isn't a spoiler because (a) I have no idea as to what the significance of that scene even was, and (b) spoilers tend to ruin plot points and this movie, really, has no point. See what I mean? I was really trying there, too.Kitano has said that he wanted audiences to come out of this film not knowing what to say or what to think, so in that respect he has definitely succeeded, albeit in some deranged and sick Yoko Ono unit of measurement (Y/Onos per minute?). Takeshis' makes Being John Malkovich look like a predictable American sports film where the underdog team with the player who was always teased or came from a broken home scores the winning touchdown or basket or goal in the last second. Actually, I'd go as far as saying that Takeshis' makes even the most surrealist nonsense you could conjure up in your mind seem as certain as the knowledge that a hammer against a window equals smashed glass. And it is for this very fact; the fact that I understood precisely none of it and am certain that I will never see anything like it ever again in my lifetime, that I give it 4 stars out of 5. And as for you, Takeshi, I still reckon you're awesome, but I think it's also time we had a break as I go off to watch something I can comfortably understand. Predator it is, then.

Beat Takeshi's latest film is a long slow and self indulgent attempt to move out of the yakuza genre. The film begins like "Curb your enthusiasm with Beat Takeshi" as we follow the iconic star through his daily life. The film shifts gear as he meets his doppelganger, a jobbing actor and convenience store clerk. Then it begins to get "surreal". But unfortunately Beat Takeshi is not a very interesting surrealist. This is surrealism for people who think that the matrix is surreal. He uses lazy wackiness and unoriginal symbols in laboured dream sequences. We've seen it all before and its very boring.But Takeshis becomes an interesting satire on media violence and develops some interesting visual moments in its later stages. It appears to be a discussion of how takeshi's previous films and persona could be interpreted. A self reflexive work. Not a bad idea. Just poorly executed even though Takeshi's skill in editing, black comedy and orchestrating vioence is still present. The ending is also an annoyingly neat cop out. A final indignity at the end of a film that is far too long.Very disappointing.

For those of you that may not be familiar with the Japanese Artist Takeshi Kitano, let me first introduce this multi talent. This really is necessary, as most Western People only know him from his Japanese Television Show Takeshis Castle, which has very little to do with the rest of his work and my confuse some of you. Kitano became famous as Beat Takeshi, and still most people in Japan refer to him with that name. You may think that this name comes from his often violent movies, but actually, he got this name while doing slapstick comedy in a duo with another comedian. Nowadays, in Japan, he is most know because of his daily television shows and radio emissions, that range from political/satirical to pure comedy and non-sense. In his own country, not that many people know that he also is an ingenious movie writer, director and actor, very often doing all of them during his movies. He owns his own studios and makes films that very often don't receive the recognition and appreciation they should, although he has in recent years been nominated or won on several occasions for Golden Lions (Hana-bi, Zatoichi, Dolls, Takeshis), Golden Palms etc. But part from these media appearances, he's also a great painter, photographer, cartoonist, writer and poet.He made his directorial debut in 89 for the movie Violent Cop. He was only supposed to play the main character, but as the director dropped out, he overtook that role too and revised the whole movie. In case you've heard otherwise, his movies are not only about violence and Yakuzas, although in some cases they play a significant role. But they never stand for themselves, they always stand for something deeper most people may not realize.Now let's come to his latest addition, Takeshis'. It is a master piece in every sense, but if you actually not into his movies, I strongly recommend not starting by this one, as you won't understand a thing (even if you speak Japanese:-). I'd recommend any newbie starting by Hana-bi, continuing with Kukijiros Summer, then Dolls and then Sonatine. This may sound like a lot of work, but it's definitely worth it. Please consider at least watching Hana-Bi, it's a fantastic movie from every point of view. Along those movies, you'll get used to the Japanese way of thinking, Kitanos visual and poetical styles, it will be very difficult to understand the very abstract but still hilarious movie Takesihis'.I would describe the movie itself as David Lynch meets Haruki Murakami, Kitano style. I think if you know and appreciate each of them, you'll get my point. I don't want to and wouldn't be able to spoil any surprises, still I'm not going to tell you anything further as it would be impossible to reach the subtle brilliancy of this work of art.