I think that there are some people - not a lot, but certainly SOME people - who would really enjoy "South Beach Academy". There are a lot of women in bikinis, and the movie also has a number of these ladies taking off their tops at regular intervals. But I think most viewers would want some substance along with these gorgeous women, and that's what the movie is lacking - SERIOUSLY lacking. The plot, concerning an athletic competition to decide ownership of the title place, is old hat, and is executed with no cleverness or energy. The movie boasts some recognizable stars, such as porn legend Ron Jeremy and James Hong, but these actors can't do much to liven things up. The headline star - Corey Feldman - has a part that has absolutely no real bearing on the story or other characters. It's as if the production was desperate to have a star big enough as Feldman that they did a last minute rewrite to fit him in. At least he got a free trip to Florida.

Awkward, but eager virgin Billy Spencer (Corey Feldman in fine comic form) goes to South Beach in Florida to see his hunky, yet decent and sincere brother Harry (amiable Keith Colouris) and score with the chicks. Problems ensue when oddball compulsive gambler Uncle Gene (the always lively and delightful Al Lewis) bets the family business as collateral on a high stakes volleyball game against a rival team owned by evil mobster Johnny Staccato (a perfectly slimy portrayal by James Hong). Harry enlists the aid of sweet former Olympic athlete Shannon McSorley (winningly played by the delectable Elizabeth Kaitan) and her friends to form a team to play in the big game. Director Joe Esposito, working from a cheerfully inane and immaterial script by William R. Milling, keeps the picture breezing along at a constant snappy pace, fills the screen with a scrumptious bevy of gorgeous babes in varying stages of undress (there's a pleasing plethora of bare breasts showcased throughout), and relates the blithely dumb and undemanding no-brainer humor in an affably carefree manner. Ron Jeremy contributes an amusing performance as sleazy club owner "Weed" Wacker. Among the lovely ladies who make a favorable impression are luscious brunette Lorelei Leslie as sassy singer Harley, Julie Lynn Cialini as sultry barmaid Phyllis Glass, and Amy Lynn Rosenthal as fierce rival volleyball team leader Erika. Wes Llewellyn's bright, crisp cinematography lovingly leers on all the lithe, shapely, and well-tanned bikini-clad hotties. Grant Saidiner's bouncy score and the groovy-jammin' rock soundtrack further enhance the infectiously idiotic merriment. Fun schlock.

This is not the worst movie ever made. No, wait, this is the worst movie ever made. In a scene between two brother, Corey Feldman delivers the immortal line "I like breasts, fake breasts." He seems to be echoing the thought of the filmmakers who put breasts, either naked or covered with a bikini top in nearly every scene. There are also 40 or 50 shots of the backsides of different women in thongs. The plot has something to do with a gambler, a bet and a woman's volley ball team, but the plot is just an excuse to parade dozens of scantily clad women in front of the camera. It is a little sad seeing Al Lewis, who must have been in his late 80's here. He was a fine comic actor (see the television series, "Car 54 Where Are You"). He deserved better. The movie is too leering and sneering for women and too tame and lame for men, and too witless for both men and women.Actually, if a fashion designer student wanted to know what bikinis were popular in Miami in the 1990's, this would be the perfect movie to watch.

Back in the 60's, beach movies had casts filled with unattractive actors (Frankie & Annette). In the 80's, beach movies had some attractive ladies, but most of the guys (with the exception of Grant Cramer) were still too wiry. In the 90's, the made-for-video beach movies finally got it right, but if your movies are MFV affairs, whose going to care?This movie wasn't great, but it wasn't bad either. Mixing up every cliche it can muster, we have a film about a couple of brothers trying to help a woe-be-gone uncle from losing his shirt from a crafty rival through a beach volleyball game. Admittedly, they did put a lot of twists and turns in this one, but there are painful moments here with the acting. Elizabeth Kaitan sounds like she has something stuck in her voice. Al Lewis gets under your nerves, and James Hong delivers every Asian stereotype again. Still, the women are hot and Miami is a gorgeous city as depicted in the film, so if you're into this, by all means take a dip. Just stay out of Club Madonna. My trip to Miami was nice, but it felt more like the S Club 7's.