Jack "Soldier" Kelly (Lorenzo Lamas) was in the Marine's Search and Destroy Special Forces known as "Snake Eaters". He's an undercover cop in a rundown city. After spiking the criminals, he is fired. Junior and his backwoods criminals kill his parents and kidnapped his sister Jennifer. Jack comes to hunt down the perpetrators and gets a motorcycle seadoo to do it.This movie should prove that Lorenzo Lamas is a horrible actor. He's not the only one in this movie. There are some very cheesy lines that are almost funny. Everything is so bad that it borders on being a spoof. The problem is that Lamas and the gang aren't good enough to take advantage of its inherit camp. I kind of laugh at how bad this is but I don't feel good doing it.
... View MoreThere is nothing at all good about the movie. The plot doesn't make sense. Not much else makes sense. Lamas' character barely manages to do anything right, and often completely blows his chances, and is only saved by the director's determination to move forward to his victory. The fight choreography is laughably weak. Every villain who dies essentially commits suicide. The gross parts just motivate you to turn off the TV. The editing is horrible. The attempts at humor are completely flat. The make up is unbelievably bad - it really looks like a bunch of frat boys dressing up on Halloween to look like hillbillies. You are never able to suspend disbelief because of the continuously horrible movie-making. I could go on and on, but this movie isn't worth the effort.
... View MoreWOW what can i say. I like shity movies and i go out of my way to watch a corny action flick, but Snake Eater i would have rather had a nail driven into my pee hole while my grandma gave me a lap dance .Lorenzo Lamas, pfft more like Lorenzo Lameass this guy has as much acting ability as Bill Clinton has self control. It has all the goods to make a really bad movie even worse. Crazed Hillbilles YEP! needless tit shot (with a real weird scar) YEP! crappy soundtrack YEP! I wish i could give the movie -10 stars but 1 is as low as it goes. Seriously i think someone was playing a joke on me when i saw this it cant be real...... the worse thing THERE IS 2MORE SNAKE EATER MOVIES!...... guess its in demand.
... View MoreNow, I've seen a lot of bad movies. I like bad movies. Especially bad action movies. I've seen (and enjoyed) all of Jean-Claude Van Damme's movies, including the one where he's his own clone, both of the ones where he plays twins, and all three where he's a cyborg. I actually own the one where he plays a fashion designer and has a fight in a truck full of durians. (Hey, if nothing else, he's got a great ass and you almost always get to see it. With DVD, you can even pause and zoom in!) That's why you can trust me when I say that this movie is so bad, it makes Plan 9 look like Citizen Kane.Everything about Snake Eater is bad. The plot is bad. The script is bad. The sets are bad. The fights are bad. The stunts are bad. The FX are bad. The acting is spectacularly, earth-time-bendingly bad, very probably showcasing the worst performance of every so-called actor in the cast, including Lorenzo Lamas, and that's really saying something. And I'd be willing to bet everyone involved with this movie is lousy in bed, to boot. ESPECIALLY Lorenzo Lamas. It does manage to be unintentionally funny, so it's not a total loss. However, I recommend that you watch this movie only if you are either a congenital idiot or very, very stoned. I was able to sit through it myself because I needed to watch something to distract me from rinsing cat urine out of my laundry.It didn't help much, but it was better than nothing. One point for Ron Palillo's cameo as a gay arsonist.
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