The title of the movie pretty much lead me to believe this would be a bad bad viewing experience. This movie is #1 on my list of "worst movies ever made that are great fun to watch" I was highly entertained at the horrible acting, silly plot...er was there one? and the two monks. I mean come on...monk side-kicks? It's just over the top. This movie tries to be a comedy and an action flick all at once..the comedy failing so miserably that it is incredibly funny. This will be one of those bad movies that you will truly love because it is so bad, or some will find it just not quite bad enough. I would compare it to Arnold's Total Recall. A bad movie with bad jokes, bad action but FUN.

Simon Sez is one of the dumbest movies I've ever seen. Its another one of those monstrosities that you have to force yourself to watch only so you can brag to your friends about how you were able to "watch the whole thing", and to see their shocked expressions after you say that. Other than that, there is no reason to force yourself through the consistent ineptness of this poor excuse for an action adventure.First off... It stars Dennis Rodman. That alone should be enough to turn most people away, but because I'm Mr. "Open To All Movies", I put in the video and watched it anyway.Since my brain has an automated trash filter and defragger (I still run on NTFS), I only remember small pieces of the film. One scene that stood out, and shouted to me like an old woman with a bad hip, was the scene where master martial artist Xin Xin Xiong and some woman (I forgot her name) were engaging in a tightly choreographed fight. But because Rodman was the "star" and didn't want to be upstaged up by his "co-stars", a way had to be found to bring him into this action. But Rodman can't fight. So their solution was to just have Rodman stomp into the scene like Frankenstein and claw, pounce, and push his way through the fight. And this didn't just happen once. It happened many times...Before I start cursing I'll just end my review here.Don't see this movie. Spare yourself the pain.

Yes, I agree, really, really bad.Do not be fooled, action film fans; the acting, the writing, the direction - really, really bad. Confusing. Dull. Even funny if it weren't so down-right... dull.That same year, Rodman made another action film as second "lead" to Jean Claude Van Damme. Fortunately, despite Rodman, Van Damme did most of the work and Rodman didn't do much but rent his name to the producers. That film was occasionally watchable.But here, Rodman actually pretends to be a movie star. Why? I dunno - the haircut I guess.Why does Hollywood toss money away on this sort of crap? Well, people buy it, I guess.Fortunately, I didn't; it was getting tossed out at a video store a bock down from where I live."Gee, if you're tossing it away, can I have it?" "Why? - it's just really bad!" Yeah, well, I had to find that out myself.You don't; trust me - it's really bad.

Let's face it, nobody rents a movie starring Dennis Rodman expecting it to be "good". You just want some mindless, unpretentious entertainment, and on that level "Simon Sez" largely delivers. Of course, Rodman is not the first person that comes to your mind when you're thinking "action star", but thanks to the discreet (and sometimes not so discreet) use of wires, stunt doubles and rapid-fire editing, he almost pulls it off. But the show is stolen by a female martial arts expert, played by Swede Emma Sjoberg, who fights with style and confidence. Xin Xin Xiong, in the small role of the villain's No.1 henchman, also appears to be a good martial artist. What nearly ruins this film is the obnoxious, lame-brained comic relief from Dane Cook and the two monks/agents. If they had completely written off these three characters, made the villain a little less openly gay and given more screen time to the people who were actually good at serious action, this would have been a much better film. (**1/2)