I was watching Rampo Noir on my portable DVD player the other night when the battery ran out of power mid-film; normally this kind of inconvenience would have made me angry, but in this case I was actually appreciative of the break, such is the mind-numbingly tedious nature of this dreary, overlong piece of pretentious art-house drivel.The film comprises of four strange and erotic tales based on the works of celebrated Japanese author Edogawa Rampo, each connected by the recurring themes of mirrors, perverse love, obsession and the fact that they are all utterly incomprehensible.Even though extreme boredom had set in within the first minute of opening tale 'Mars Canal', I persevered, telling myself that, with each part realised by a different director, there was the possibility that one of them might be worth a watch. Sadly, all four episodes turn out to be just as stupefyingly dull as the first, despite the introduction of the odd bit of bondage sex, mutilation and other assorted deviancy.Hell, even Hisayasu Sato, director of such gloriously twisted films as Naked Blood and Wife Collector, fails to impress, having succumbed to the same soporific artsy-fartsy style as his contemporaries. And when that guy doesn't deliver the goods, it's time to start praying for the battery to run out!

"Rampo Noir" is clearly not fare for everybody. This beautifully lensed, elegantly crafted anthology of four chilling tales of horror adapted from the writings by the Edgar Allan Poe of Japan, Taro Hirai, a.k.a. Edogawa Rampo, falls far short of perfection. Nevertheless, these films are a good stab in the right direction. Mind you, there is nothing horrific here in the sense of grotesque monsters that strangle nubile babes. "Rampo Noir" isn't a lowest common denominator horror film. If you want something with blood, gore, and more, you're looking at the wrong movie. "Rampo Noir" is sophisticated, ambiguous, art-house horror several steps above the old television anthology shows "The Twilight Zone" and "Night Gallery." These stories are not the kind of chillers that will keep you awake at night with a security light on, but they will definitely mess with your mind. This is the kind of stuff that you savor and watch over and over unless you cannot handle this kind of horror.The four films are entitled "Mars Canal" and it differs from the other three because it is the shortest, lacks sound, and is wholly experimental. Freshman helmer Suguru Takeuchi's "Mars Canal" concerns a naked fellow (Tadanobu Asano of "Ichi the Killer") who cavorts in a lush landscape and has memories of beating up his sex partner. There is no logical ending in this surreal saga. The remaining three are more conventional, but calling them conventional may be misleading considering their subject matter. Director Akio Jissoji's "Mirror Hell" is a murder mystery where the authorities discover the bodies of several women who have had their faces incinerated like a microwave. The police find gorgeous hand mirrors at the scene of each death. "Mirror Hell" is the most coherent of the quartet. People in the mood for kinky sex with a candle will enjoy scene between Azusa and Toru which contains the use of rope and candle wax.The third offering, director Hisayasu Sato's "Caterpillar," isn't as bizarre as the final entry "Crawling Bugs." Nevertheless, it qualifies as every bit as perverted as you may not be able to imagine, much less tolerate. Indeed, "Caterpillar" forms the make-it or-break-it entry. A possessive wife has amputated her husband's arms and legs to prevent him from going to war. First Lieutenant Sunaga (Nao Omori) can still see and drool. The hero's embittered wife vents her frustration and rage on him. She slashes one of his nipples with a shiny straight razor and later she lashes his bare back repeatedly with a bullwhip. She puts the B in ITCH! The poor fellow is powerless to resist her depredations. He has to absorb her anger. Later, the wife has sex with her husband and allows him to enjoy Comparing "Caterpillar" to "Johnny Got His Gun" is partially correct, but "Boxing Helena" might be more appropriate for this surreal and abusive Japanese yarn. Ultimately, the wife mutilates herself out of guilt while a third party photographs her in a wasteland.The final entry is Manga artist Atsushi Kaneko's "Crawling Bugs," and it is roughly similar to director William Friedkin's 2005 chiller "Bug" with Ashley Judd. In this tale, a chauffeur afflicted with a paranoia for bugs kidnaps a celebrity stage actress, strangles her, and paints her body. Predictably, things turn even uglier before it is over and the authorities put his head out of the bloated corpse's body. Ultimately, "Rampo Noir" pushes the envelope of mainstream cinema, but it doesn't warp you as much as it ought to have. Watching "Ramp Noir" is like slicing your hand up with a straight razor and thinking about the way the blood leaks through your fingers instead of pain that you are needlessly inflicting on yourself.

Uh.. wow. Here's one you will never forget. Four disgusting and insane shorts that seem loosely connected at times (themes of torture, mirrors, obsession, love, bugs, and.. uh.. Tadanobou Asano are in most of the shorts), all lovingly filmed by 4 different directors. Great acting and beautiful visuals throughout and never a dull moment in its 2 hour running time, this film is actually shockingly beautiful and very experimental at times (see the first story which is completely silent) and is just so full of ideas and life that it should be required viewing for everyone who's into cinema that's a little bit different than the norm.Much more so than the overrated 3... Extremes, this is a film that actually manages to disturb you with its images. Just try getting the images of a disgusting, drooling, dying human caterpillar or a very realistic decomposing corpse out of your head. However, what really sets this film apart are actually the BEAUTIFUL visuals. I can't really describe what makes them so beautiful; you just have to see them.Completely unnerving and endlessly fascinating throughout, this is definitely some kind of masterpiece that doesn't have any of the monotony that bogs down most pictures of this type. In fact, it's hard to choose a favorite short amongst the 4, because they're all so good! Highly recommended.

This film, an adaptation of four (really three) short stories penned by Edogawa Rampo, is unfortunately more stomach-churning than it is stylish. Given the uniform elegance of RAMPO NOIR's composition and design, that makes the ick factor pretty high. After the relative subtlety and effectiveness of the first piece, "Mirror Hell," the ensuing parade of erotic leeches, quadriplegic sex, sadism, mutilation and necrophilia should be enough to put almost anyone off their dinner. Potential viewers, you've been warned. The images, which are beautiful, will stay with you, but they'll probably inspire a queasy stomach more than they will a sense of fascination and horror. Here's hoping it was more palatable on the page.