'Milk Money' gets its title from the idea that a group of prepubescent boys pool together their money to pay a hooker for a peek at her breasts. If this sounds like a smutty and degrading idea, then it pains me remind you that this is a family picture.First, let's start with that basic idea. In the days of 537 cable channels as well as the internet as well as old reliable – dad's porn stash - why would a group of prepubescent boys want to waste their time looking for a hooker. Because they are all dimwits and because the movie needs an idea from a better movie to reside over it's languid plot. The better movie being Pretty Woman which somehow managed to sidestep every cliché and empty-headed idea that this movie has.The hooker, named V (Melanie Griffith) has a heart of gold. Why a heart of gold? Because it would explain why she doesn't seem to worry about social diseases or AIDS, it explains one of the reasons that she is so willing to leave the trade, it allows for the fact that she never has to explain how she got on the streets in the first place and it makes her a suitable mate for the kid's widowed father – that's why! As if trying to weld those ideas together isn't bad enough then we have to contend with V's evasion from the Mafia who think V stole money from them. Then we get the father (Ed Harris) who is so hapless and stupid as to not notice that his kid is hiding a hooker in his treehouse and when he finally meets her is the last to figure out what her profession is. Then we have to throw in a subplot alluding to the fact that he wants to save some wetlands from being turned into a parking lot leading to one of those scenes where he is chained to a his car to keep the bulldozer from wrecking the place 'Milk Money' can't exist as a tease because there is a kid in the way. We know that since it's a family picture that the presence of a prostitute means that the movie will exclude any of the expected 'exposure'. So instead it has to throw in all these hackneyed cutesy clichés in order to attract and audience whose attention span is as long as your hand.Rating: * (of four)

That quote from Milk Money above truly applies to this poor excuse for a movie; better to call it a flick, "movie" is too good for it.Paramount supposedly paid over $1 million for the script (there's a sucker born every minute).There is some decent talent here, but it is wasted, really wasted.The pretext for this mess is stupid, implausible, silly.It is not worth reviewing as a watchable film; needless to say, I didn't watch it all the way through.Do not go near this flick! You will embarrass yourself, like these actors embarrassed themselves making it!

In some cases I'd say this is better then Pretty Woman. I say "some" with weight because Pretty Woman is a classic. But Milk Money fills that "hole" you had watching pretty woman. Ed Harris's character is sincere and attentive which matches Melanie's softness (which at the best of times can spoil her on screen performances) perfectly. It's a classic boy meets girl movie with that dash of "damsel in distress but is now hardened and tough due to life being so rough and who now finally meets a man who breaks through it all and understands and loves her for who she is" - as far as romantic comedies go- it was better then I thought it would be and even gets the heart strings welling when Ed Harris tells her "this could hurt"...The story itself can be at times almost childish, but in the end that's part of it's charm.

This movie SO typifies Hollywood.We get (1) another prostitute who is gorgeous, sweet and with a heart of gold. (2) the prostitutes are nothing but victims of the cruel and abusive male pimps; (3) kids ages 10-12 are obsessed with sex (I'm talking about how Hollwyood sees the culture); (4) there are few higher callings than being a tree-hugger, this one chaining himself to a tree to save some wetlands.On and on and on it goes in ultra-Liberal, politically-correct, morally-clueless Hollywood. Well, to be fair, the movie did have lots of charm and it's always nice to see Ed Harris actually play against type, meaning play a decent human being. Melanie Griffith never looked better, either. Too bad the story was so stupid and insulting.