MASSAGE PARLOR OF DEATH is a rubbishly little Canadian indie horror flick shot in somebody's bedroom. The only thing it has going for it is some decent cover art. The story is about a girl (the actress is dreadful) who runs a massage parlour but who ends up butchering those who come in for their massage. There's a lot of grubby titillation and some outrageously awful gore effects that have to be seen to be believed (it looks like ketchup has been smeared on someone's neck at one point). The whole thing feels mindless and I can't decide what's worse, the effects or the acting as both are rock bottom.

I guarantee I spent more money buying this movie than the producers did making it. After I bought this copy they were in the black. There's an art to making bad movies. There are also rules. Rule 1. Don't give me a massive headache trying to watch it. Underwhelming boring and an absolutely pathetic soundtrack that made my ears bleed for real. Unlike this ketchup show. It's trying to be funny and pay homage to the bad 80's slasher glory days. But it belly flops on its face. I love camp but this movie makes me want to stay home and skip it for the summer. So frustrating. All the crappy kills are the exact same and she even breaks the third wall on one random occasion. Stop making movies if there this bad or I promise I'll start trying to stop buying them. No entertainment value here at all and payoff was a big huge Milk Dud after getting this one home. With a title like MPOD it's impossible not to execute properly but Richard Mogg blew it. All tease and no sleaze and just no good and no fun.

Ruby has a deadly secret - she's using a dodgy massage parlour as a front for killing clients and using their blood in rituals to resurrect her dead lover! That's all there really is to low budget director Richard Mogg's cheap and cheerful schlocky 'Massage Parlour of Death', a loving tribute to crusty old 80's shot on video horror movies. Proudly boasted as being shot for a mere $50, the film has a real do-it-yourself and 'just wing it and hope for the best' maverick style quality, making the campy results a true guilty pleasure!With it's constant mix of stilted acting, sleazy come-on's and constant disrobing (although nudity free!) from the cast, you almost keep expecting (or for some viewers, hoping?!) the film is going to turn into a porno at any second, but it's all just a set-up to allow Ruby to take out her victims and spread plenty of ketchup/fake blood splashing all over the screen!The film is carried by the knowingly in-on-the-joke performance from gorgeous leading lady Michelle Kaveet, and her eyes alone are absolutely entrancing, no wonder so much of the screen time is given to constant close-ups of this beauty (although her co-star Katelyn Yurkiw is hardly shabby either!). But there's occasional witty and genuinely funny bits of dialogue here and there, plenty of unsteady 70's zooms, cool 80's music montages with a couple of cute Spectrum/Commodore 64-esque video game soundtrack spots too, and the finale, as well a back story involving an archaeological dig with a troublesome native, have to be seen to be believed!Although available on DVD (check out that great cover art from Devon Whitehead!), it's worth tracking down the limited edition bluray from SRS Cinema LLC (they've even done a run of extra limited VHS copies!), where you get two versions of the movie on the one disc. The first is the HD digital original recording of the movie, yet a washed out, fuzzy, generations old, wonky tracking VHS transfer of the footage is the more desirable alternative that can also be viewed here, and it's certainly the most appropriate! Both are worth watching as they each contain little differences, but the VHS is more true to the spirit of the era of horror movies this movie emulates. Also cool is the bonus behind the scenes video where spirited and self-deprecating director Mogg explains just how a film can be shot for only $50, and his light-hearted commentary with lead actress Michelle is infectious as well.If you have a soft spot for campy, cheapo horror movie dreck and can appreciate it's screwy sense of humour and twisted sense of fun, check out this silly and warped little beauty!7/10 - Can't wait for Richard's next flick!