I have been harboring a deep secret for over two years: I am absolutely ride-or-die for the silliest network TV procedural on the air. ABC's 9-1-1 is a magical combination of Ryan Murphy camp, broadcast TV-budget visual effects, and (possibly) unintentional homoeroticism the likes of which audiences haven't seen since... Supernatural? Maybe? Today I'll take you on an aggressively long-winded tour of all the show has to offer. The best and worst characters and storylines, the copaganda, the gay shipping, that Bobby Brown dance sequence from Step Up: All In, and so much more. This is a deep dive of Homeric proportions. Speaking of which, is that a 'first edition' copy of The Iliad??