This is another quality bad film from the eighties that makes little to no sense, but has plenty of explosions, gunfire and daftness to keep you happy.Brandon Lee is sent to some country to rescue randomly accented scientist Ernest Borgnine. What country it is I have no idea, but it has plenty of cubans, a desert, camels and diamond mines and seems to be run by Germans and Russians. The German bad guy here is Werner Pocath, who somehow must have got lost trying to find the latest Italian production and ended up in this film instead. Brandon puts us through our paces by doing impressions of beggars and military officers before hooking up with Borgnine's low-cut dress wearing daughter and tearing off looking for Borgnine, who can somehow use lasers and diamonds to make nuclear weapons, all done to the tune 'mercanary man" by David Knopfler, over and over again.To hell with the plot. You've got many impossible gunfights (even Borgnine gets involved), things blowing up real good, terrible banter between our heroes, lots of standing around laughing, bad guys that won't die and other bad guy who do really stupid things, like releasing Lee from handcuffs and getting immediately killed.You've also got a punch up filmed from underneath a horse's stomach, editing that makes no sense (especially a fist fight with Pocath, where they randomly teleport onto a roof), and the battle at the end while have you going "how did they?" and "Why did he?" to yourself (or friends, if you have any of those). There's even a spelling mistake at the end credits by the people who did the end credits, in their own credit!This SCi-fi free film is part of Mill Creek's 50 Sci Fi Classics box set. So it'll cost you barely anything.

Well… "Laser Mission" is obviously not a good film. But, Brandon Lee does show what good breeding can do for a man. And, Debi Monahan does show what good cleavage can do for a woman. The low-cut blue dress Ms. Monahan wears on her date with Mr. Lee makes its points. She keeps it on for almost the entire movie. You also get a lot of fighting, shooting, and Ernest Borgnine."Kidnapped by Soviet agents, Professor Braun (Borgnine) is forced to work on a powerful laser weapon that could be used to enslave the world," according to the DVD synopsis, "The CIA decides to send agents Michael Gold (Lee) and Alissa (Monahan) into Cuba to retrieve the scientist and a cache of diamonds being used to build the weapon." The soundtrack, by David Knopfler, is rare and well done.*** Laser Mission (11/89) B.J. Davis ~ Brandon Lee, Debi Monahan, Ernest Borgnine, Graham Clarke

Doesn't anyone else wonder how in the hell they DROVE ACROSS THE Atlantic OCEAN?! Funniest thing I ever learned from a movie: Apparently the border of Cuba is not the Atlantic Ocean, but a mostly desert covered country of Africa (Namibia, maybe?). Holy God. The main girls voice was just horrible, she was so unattractive too...ick. Great how they didn't get any sweat stains while trekking through the desert for days on end, and how they kept running across random henchmen who were just wandering around there too. Made me laugh so hard I couldn't breathe. Oh, and who could forget the ninja jumping out of NO WHERE and being dispatched in like 3 seconds flat? They just had to add the ninja. Best disgustingly awful movie ever, terrible in an awesomely horrible way. If you're into awesomely-bad stuff, check it out.

Brandon Lee actually made it to superstardom? Me thinks perhaps the only reason is that he was killed during the Crow. Laser Mission all but proves that there is no talent. Everybody in previous posts are raving about Lee's wit and one-liners - me I played "what stupid thing is the writer going to have Lee say next", and watch Lee blow any sense of timing, delivery, or style. Like Spiderman with a concussion he blows perfect chances to hit lame oneliners and they plop out like a lead fart. Saying that I actually liked the Boris and Natasha knockoffs who were supposed to be some Cuban/Russian/African soldiers of fortune, and really wished there were more shots of them.Unfortunately Lee was not the only rotten part of the movie. Borgnine must have had sunstroke to sign on, and Monihan - though giving us a couple nice shots of her flesh covered pasties, and her on again off again bra, couldn't act her way out of a tele-evangelists healing stage. And isn't Lee supposed to have been some sort of Kung Fu master? The martial arts in this flop consisted of synchronized falling down and explosions in the distance.The ending supposedly tied everything together after killing the psychotic bad guy about a jillion times. He deserved it for uncuffing Lee, me I would have placed a slug between Lee's eyes the first chance I got and saved the world the last 30 minutes of this flop.My suggestion - stick with watching Daddy Lee, and let Brandon's movies grow mildew in the dungeon's of the rankings.