Long before Kristanna Loken played the T-X in T3, the beautiful Barbara Anne Constable starred as an indestructible female killing machine in Lady Terminator, a hilariously inept Indonesian rip-off of James Cameron's sci-fi classic The Terminator.The film begins with the South Sea Queen having sex with a guy with big hair, before chewing off his tackle with her snatch, asking 'Is there any man who can satisfy me?'. Her next conquest, her 100th husband, isn't about to let the queen take his manhood, pulling the source of the queen's power—a snake—from between her legs, and banishing her to the sea. Before the waves swallow up her castle, the queen swears vengeance on the man's great grand-daughter.A century later, and the spirit of the South Sea Queen possesses sexy anthropology student Tania (the beautiful Barbara Anne Constable) by magically inserting a snake up her chuff; she then proceeds to carry out her threat, hunting down aspiring pop singer Erica (Claudia Angelique Rademaker), descendant of the man who betrayed her.From hereon-in, Lady Terminator consists of cheap but very bloody carbon copies of The Terminator's most iconic scenes, with a nightclub shootout (but only after Erica has sung a dreadful song in its entirety), an assault on a police station (with lots and lots of juicy squibs, including bloody shots to the crotch), and the Lady Terminator performing surgery on herself, removing her eyeball to run it under a tap, before popping it back in.All of this is executed with very little technical prowess but lots of gusto, making the film a blast for fans of cheap, foreign exploitation. More violent than Cameron's film, with the added bonus of lots of nudity courtesy of sexy Barbara Anne Constable, and a memorable turn from Adam Stardust as gung-ho cop Snake, who sports one of cinema's most impressive mullets, this is trashy z-grade fun from start to finish.

Wow! Phew! This has never happened to me before … I've never been in love as much as I'm in love with Lady Terminator. Ours is a marriage made in heaven and I swear I'll love her till the end of times. She's quite the lady, all right, but she's also so much more. She's the duchess of sleaze, the queen of exploitation, the empress of tastelessness and the goddess of rip-offs! This is quite possibly the most outrageously amusing movie ever made and all those people complaining about how awful and unoriginal it is should either lay off drinking entire bottles of vinegar and/or make the effort to research what the (foreign) exploitation film industry is all about, anyway. How do you recognize the ideal cult movie classic? Well, if you're witnessing gratuitous nudity, bloody killings, eels crawling out a woman's vagina and inexplicably changing into a daggers and delightfully cheesy quotes like "I shall now retire to the see but return in a hundred years to have my vengeance on your great-great-granddaughter…"), during the first five minutes – even before the opening credits appeared on screen – THEN I'd say you found yourself the ideal cult movie classic. And it even gets better… Much better, in fact! One hundred years ago, the malignant Queen of the South Sea swore to kill the female descendant of the man she loved but whom betrayed her. To fulfill this promise, the Queen's evil spirit possesses the luscious body of an innocent young anthropologist student (Barbara Anne Constable in her sole but unforgettable performance) and turns her into an indestructible, unstoppable, sex-driven and relentless killing machine. Armed with heavy artillery and a literally endless amount of ammunition, Lady Terminator goes on her mission and she isn't too concerned about the trail of collateral damage she leaves. Our heroine quickly finds her target but she – Erica – receives protection from a clique of hilariously implausible cop characters, one with a ludicrous mullet. I honestly can't imagine anyone who watches "Lady Terminator", with the correct attitude and/or in the right state of mind, won't tremendously enjoy it! Everything about this movie is so WRONG; I simply love it! The sudden change in tone, from an Indonesian folklore myth about the Queen of the South Sea into a wannabe American Sci-Fi imitation of one of the genre's greatest classics, is stupendously amusing, the character drawings are wondrously inept, the dialogs as well as the acting performances and the English dubbing are completely bonkers to listen to and – last but not least – the use of violence is so unimaginably excessive and graphical! If you love James Cameron's "The Terminator" (and who doesn't, right?), you actually should watch "Lady Terminator" and try and consider it as some sort of crazy homage. As soon as the possessed girl walks out of the sea butt-naked, the shamelessly copied ideas and sequences of "The Terminator" become impossible to list. Almost identical to how Arnold Schwarszenegger did it, Lady Terminator dodges shotgun bullets, drives a car into a police station in broad daylight, performs eyeball operations on herself and makes a whole lot of victims before she reaches Sarah Connor… I mean, Erica. This movie literally has everything: gore, sex, stupidity, bizarre characters, a typically 80's pop-song sung from start to finish, an incredibly inappropriate "we're falling in love" sub plot and a stoned 80's dude with the ugliest mullet hairdo ever. Please marry me, Lady Terminator?

Although this film surely belongs to the realm of "Worst Pictures ever made", it can't really compete with narcolepsy inducing classics such as "Pink Flamingos" or "Eraserhead". Even Ed Woods' creations do a better job of making me feel that hours of my life have been stolen from me. (It certainly feels like hours!) Actually, there are noticeable merits to the film. All the principal actors seem to know how to use firearms! At least they aren't afraid of them. They hold the weapons properly and don't blink when the blanks discharge. Arnold can't even do that. Ditto for all the other major action stars except Steven Segal. Of course, Segal is an actual martial arts master.The dialog is strange, but isn't really funny. It's rather what you might expect from a film which has been dubbed from Indonesian. Subtitles would likely have been a lot funnier. (Subtitles are necessarily shorter - so you have to guess what was left out.) As for the "it's so bad; it's good" - it isn't that bad. So, it's really bad. Even a laugh track couldn't save this film. You've been warned!

Perhaps it's best to describe "LADY TERMINATOR" as one of the whacked-out weirdest, most inept and certainly howl-worthy junk creations to come along since, well, since as long as one can remember.What starts as a plodding and confusing back story of the curse of a South Seas dragon lady quickly machine-guns, backflips and explodes into a slapdash riff/ripoff/homage on 1984's "THE TERMINATOR" with a dash of voodoo black magic for good measure.The story? A sultry vacationing anthropologist (actress AND the film's makeup artist Barbara Ann Constable) takes a dip in the sea and comes up for air both possessed AND nude - and ready to blow the hell out of Indonesia. Rendered invulnerable by the said watery witch, our new Lady Terminator is determined to avenge the ages-old curse by gun or by sex, and rack up an impressive (and awfully bloody) body count that puts Arnie's sci-fi original to absolute shame.The paint-by-number script is lousy in a so-bad-it's-awful way in its collision of actual Indonesian legend and slavish mimicry of James Cameron's breakout action hit. The film's direction is chaotically messy and disjointed, and the performances are awe-inspiringly amateur. To make matters worse (or better) everyone in the film - even the Caucasian actors sprinkled in for a "international" flare - are all dubbed incredibly badly, making it one of the best "Mystery Science Theater 3000" episodes never made.I'll give the film this - it clicks right along. There's not a lot of time for character development because there's gratuitous nudity and so many more explosions to squeeze in. For that you get your Rupiah's worth.Completely bizarre and laughably incompetent, this is the stuff cult films are made of. It will make any pasty-skinned midnight movie lover very, very happy.If you loved "OUT OF Africa", see "LADY TERMINATOR".