KING OF THE LOST WORLD is, unsurprisingly, a rip-off of Peter Jackson's KING KONG put out by the team at The Asylum. It's as pitiful as you'd imagine, a cheap reworking of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's THE LOST WORLD, featuring a quartet of explorers who crash land on a remote island when their plane develops a fault. Once there things turn into a lame version of KING KONG complete with bikini girls running around and some appallingly awful special effects. What with the wooden line delivery and general barrel-scraping feel, this is poor stuff indeed, and even some old-timers like Steve Railsback and Bruce Boxleitner do nothing to save it.

Here we go. It's Saturday morning and while just getting up and around, I turn on the SyFy Channel. "King of the Lost World" is just starting, which makes me very, very suspicious."This must be an Asylum rip-off of something," I thought to myself and decided to watch to see of what. At first, I thought of course it would be The Lost World. But it also had the elements of the TV series Lost. But then... wait for it... wait for it... oh yes, King Kong. Of course they never say "King Kong"; that great ape is just "he" the whole time. Wouldn't want to invite any unwanted lawsuits.As usual, the Asylum has churned out another meandering, un-thrilling, steaming pile of dung that can't even qualify as a B movie. Despite the names you'll recognize in the cast, the acting is forced at best, and the script is just ridiculous. The effects are equally bad, if not worse. My favorite was the little fake ivy you can get at Walmart that somebody pulled with a fishing line to terrify the team. It's all so fake.Oh yeah, and where are the dinosaurs? And I don't mean just the fake impaled dinosaur head. It's the lost world after all...Well, maybe when the Asylum releases "Star Conflicts: The Empire Hits Back", they'll be redeemed...

I won't even try to say anything nice about this horror of a flick, except that some of the chicks were attractive and sparsely attired. (Do women really fly dressed like that?) It pretends to be some kind of blend of Conan Doyle's "Lost World" and "King Kong" but misses by parsecs on both counts. Oh, and lest we forget, the location is kind of a jungle-centered Bermuda Triangle, where airplanes have been crashing for years.We have an ultra-fake giant gorilla; a few frames of a huge, but unarticulated, spider; some giant scorpions that are camera-shy (joke); and a bunch of flying dragon-like reptiles (maybe meant to be pterosaurs) that attack the gorilla like gnats, or maybe wasps. Then there are the indigenous peoples, whose facial makeup -- at least on the boss -- is extraordinary. Anyway, are they really indigenous, or just left-over from previous crashes since they speak English as well as their native tongue? These natives sacrifice the crash survivors (of which there seem to be many more in movies and TV than in real life -- oh, I guess that's why they call it fiction) to the flying beasties because their presence keeps "him" (pseudo-Kong) away. Why this quits working, as at the end of the movie, wasn't at all clear. The best character, and seemingly the castaways' leader, played by the competent Aussie, Rhett Giles, suddenly gets killed off by the by the fake scorpions, mid-flick. My guess is they could only afford to pay him for half the movie.The name player, Bruce Boxleitner, clearly has more name than talent. I can't believe this guy had the chutzpah to think he should have been selected to play 007 rather than Pierce Brosnan. He is along to defuse a nuke, lost in a previous crash, which has a 300 (foot, yard, meter? I forget) blast radius, and, apparently, produces no radiation. Why bother? Actually, that would make a good tag-line for the whole movie: Why Bother?

There has never been a proper film adaptation of Sir Arthur Conan Doyal's 'The Lost World' and it looks like there never will be. All have them have been low budget TV or straight to DVD movies. The most credible was the 2001 BBC version. So where do I begin with this little beauty? The acting? You can guess. It was cheesy and B movie'ish' which is exactly what you expect. Its almost like the film makers insist on bad acting to live up to the expectations of people who watch movies like this.I don't understand people who insist on loads of deaths. Why? The original 'Lost World' didn't have any deaths. But this one is rich in death. Characters are killed off left and right in ludicrous pointless ways. Some characters have so little screen time that when their time comes you are baffled because you have no idea who they are or what the hell they were doing to warrant such a killing. Listening to this is gonna cause your ears to vomit. The music is this horrible constant drone that feels like a sledge hammer headache. There is no accuse for such poor special effects. The monsters look like cartoons and bad cartoons at that. Kong is just bad enough to be funny he looks like something a four or five year old might draw only it would be better. So after reading all this and you still want to watch it go ahead but prepare to be disappointed to the max.