Hitman the Cobra
Hitman the Cobra
| 03 October 1987 (USA)
Hitman the Cobra Trailers

Philippe (Richard Harrison) kills Roger (who sold information to the Japanese). Mike (Mike Abbott), Roger's brother, wants revenge and sends Bob, Blackie (Nathan Mutanda Chukueke) to find Philip.

Reviews
HaemovoreRex

Are you sitting nice and comfy? Good, then let's begin; We start off at some sort of rally where a chap is urging his fellow countrymen to stand up against their Japanese oppressors. From the looks of things, this footage (and thus the relevant location of said events) takes place somewhere in Indonesia.OK….next we cut to genre regular Richard Harrison (decked out in full military gear) who is involved in some sort of gun duel with another fellow. Who is this man? God only knows! What we do learn from the brief scene however is that Harrison's character is called Phillip and that he to is apparently fighting the Japanese for reasons best known to himself. The chap he is in (violent) dispute with has according to Phillip, sold out his country to the Japanese….erm.…OK…..anyway…..Harrison plugs the guy full of lead but not before the chap informs him that his brother will take revenge.We next cut back to the original film (into which the newer Harrison segments are edited) where we find some Japanese soldiers (who are blatantly not Japanese actors!) turning up at a small village searching for someone called Max. From this early scene (and the uniforms etc on display) the time frame appears to be set sometime during the second world war. To cut a long story short, the soldiers take both Max and his friend/brother Paddy and proceed to interrogate them i.e. beat them up! Understandably somewhat irked by this ill treatment, our boys stage a breakout from their jail cells via the old play dead trick (it works every time on dumb guards!) Max subsequently joins up with his family and goes on the run.The scene next cuts to genre regular Mike Abbott's character (playing a bad guy as usual but sadly bereft of his usual broad West Country accent!) He turns out to be the brother of the guy Phillip shot earlier on…..got that?Back to Max now (again) and he goes about getting together a small army in order to battle the Japanese. To cut it short, various battles ensue with Max coming out victorious each time.We next cut to what is insinuated to be after the war where we witness Max burying his gun and returning to a peaceful life. As he is doing so however a chap called Charlie turns up and urges him to join some other cause…..what is this cause? Well this is where things become really confusing….Suddenly the rural setting changes completely to a sleazy urban environment of strip clubs etc (er?!?!?!?!) Not only that but the time frame appears to be around the late 1970's (what the hell is going on here?!!!!!!) The plot also takes a completely bizarre turn here as we find Max and his gang are apparently wiping out gangsters(What the hell?!!!!!!) It looks like our man Godfrey Ho has edited a THIRD film (starring the same actors) into the mix now!If this wasn't confusing enough we next cut back to Phillip who is running around a public park with a semi automatic weapon!!!! (Bloody hell! Someone please help me here!!!!) Some of Abbott's (I didn't catch his characters name if he even had one!) goons turn up and a shoot out takes place (my god! – Where are the local law enforcement officers with all this going on?!!) Phillip manages to kill off one of the men whilst the other high tails it to fetch his boss.Back to Max and his gang who continue to punish various sleaze bags including tying one scum bag to the back end of an ox!!!! During a shoot out (on boats) Max and his men are apprehended by the Navy (eh?!) However, Max and crew are some slippery customers and escape once again, this time out of the back of an army truck.The members then retreat to Max's house where they hide out. Hold on! – Wouldn't that be the very WORST place to hide out from the police etc?!!! Oh well, as it happens some grass spills the beans to the police anyway but is spotted by Benny. Who the hell is Benny you might ask? Well, he's one of Max's gang.This is where it gets even more illogical. Rather than tell Max that their cover has been blown, he instead sneaks off that night and kills the snitch but neglects to inform the rest of the guys (EH?!!!!!!!!!!!) That's the last we see of Benny who presumably was so stupid that he subsequently forgot how to breath or something and expired (no loss there then!)The police desperate to catch these wanted fugitives wait until morning (!!!) before doing a raid on the property. This gives the gang ample time to retreat into a secret passage behind the wardrobe (as all houses should have). The search is relentless but our boys are not found, that is until a General turns up and politely asks Max's wife (he left her behind!) if he can speak to Max. Amazingly, and I swear I'm not making this up, she says yes and takes him straight to Max(!!!!!) Well, I guess politeness counts for everything after all!!!The general persuades Max and his men to give themselves up and even promises that they will be rewarded well – hold the hell on! They're wanted criminals aren't they?!!! Oh for Christ's sake, I just give up!Finally…..Phillip and Abbott's character square off amongst some ruins with machine guns a blazing. After wiping out Abbott's remaining goons, Phillip finally sends Abbott to the great beyond with a well placed grenade. The EndWell, what can I say? Whilst far from the best effort from those lovable fellows at IFD, this sure as hell ranks as one of the most illogical of it's kind! Now if you'll excuse me, I think I need to go and lay down....

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