This is one of the most unintentionally funny movies I have ever seen. The script defies logic and the acting is the worst I have seen in quite some time. I am still scratching my head and trying to figure out what they really wanted to do with this movie besides just be a really bad gore movie. Somehow a dead crow falls and hits a rock which rolls and down a hill and hits a doctors windshield which makes him crash into a bus transporting prisoners. The prisoners take him hostage and set out through the woods. Every at this point has heavy European accents and the background is obviously set around Germany, yet we are told that we are in Seattle! Okay, I guess? Well from there they walk into a fog and come out and there is an old cottage filled with people straight out of the 1700s. They speak like an olden time Yoda. We soon find out that these people are like vampires but look more like a a hairless werewolf/vampire hybrid if that makes sense. We have the standard slaughter scene of everyone but the doctor and this one female member of the tribe who has her inner vampire under control and helps him escape.The cops catch up to the doctor and take him into custody. He has all the blood of the victims on his shoes but they can't find the house, so of course they are going to send him to jail. All the while we keep getting these black and white flashbacks of the doctor as a kid trading a toy clown to the female from the cottage for a cross that she gives him with a dog laying in between them.Now we are in yet another bus transporting criminals. One of the men setting in the back of the bus says one of the funniest, unintentional gut busters of the year. We tries to pull off a thick southern accent and says "ahhh you don't wanna talk to Georgy Porgy". I laughed so hard that I had to pause the movie for at least 20 minutes.The bus makes it to the same stretch of road when, you guessed it, another dead crow falls, hits another rock which rolls that spooks a deer into running out in front of a car and she hits the bus. Rinse and repeat. Now we have the doctor yet again in the woods with more convicts heading straight for the cottage again. In one of the oddest scenes in a movie, when they reach the cottage one of the convicts says I can see it all now and we see his thoughts in which he is drinking, raping women, throwing money around and smoking cigars. After this scene the doctor says "no it will go more like this" and we see his thought process of them all getting slaughtered. So did he read the guys mind or what? Anyways, the group enters the cabin, we have a very weird scene of the doctor removing a bullet from one of the convicts scrotum. What makes this scene weird is there is twangy country music playing the whole time that really does not fit the moment.Once the monsters make it there we have the typical slaughter scene, with one exception that really left me perplexed. Everything in this house is from the 1700s, yet one of the convicts just casually bends down and picks up and chainsaw which starts with one pull of the string and starts sawing people. So this family lives like the 1700's, does everything that way, all their tools is that way, yet they have a gas powered chainsaw? Now were at the ending in which the doctor and the girl escapes. They make it to the road in which the doctor for some reason stands in the middle of the road with his eyes closed until, you guessed it, he is hit by a car which causes another bus crash. Only this time the girl is hit also and when she opens her eyes she is one of the monsters now. *sigh* I guess this means a sequel is unfortunately in the works. We cut to another black and white scene of the doctor full grown talking to the girl with the dog still between them and he thanks her.Wonder if the state ever decided to check into this one stretch of road and see why so many bus crashes happen there and lose so many criminals there?

Phew... after the incredibly bad "Dard Divorce" I am honestly positively surprised by "House of Blood" (which was releases previous to "Dard Divorce"). Again the visuals are pretty good, there is nice cinematography all over, great camera moves... Mr. ittenbach even managed to include elements to the plot that was not just working for the gore elements, some at least...Basically you get a straight horror movie about a bus of criminals on their way from one prison to the next that crashes in a car accident. After killing off pretty much everyone the psychos head for the Canadian border and end up in a house full of strange religious people like from 100 years ago. Since one of them is wounded the criminals have a doctor they kidnapped fix their pal up... well, until the inhabitants of the house turn out to be some kind of cannibal-zombie-werewolf-vampires and things get messy. Although my version of the movie is 100 Minutes and clearly says uncut I doubt Mr. ittenbach would cut away from heads being bashed in, so I'd say mine was cut and the full version delivers more gore entertainment like every Ittenbach movie does.Yet like every Ittenbach movie also this one suffers from some wooden acting. Yes, they got some decent actors like Christopher Kriesa and even Jürgen Prochnow but the fight sequences often seem clumsy and worst of all again Martina Ittenbach plays a major role and we all know she is an abysmal actor. Here she has to deliver lines in an accent that sounds like a mix of pilgrim and Romanian and is laughable (most actors don't even deliver the TH of thou, hath etc. right). Some of her looks in scenes of emotion (like the unbelievable romantic finale) are kind of funny... but I don't want to see that in a movie with the production values of "House of blood" but rather in a school play.There is some mysterious twists that lead to the doctor witnessing the events twice in a kind of time-loop which could have worked along with the straight "house full of bloodfreaks"-plot but just watch the ending and you'll understand why it doesn't. "House of Blood" is by far superior to the incredibly dumb "Dard Divorce" but it angers me again that Ittenbach trashes so much potential with a mix of good and abysmal actors and his obvious lack of talent for story writing. Please stick to FX and directing and let talented writers do that job... it hurts to see all that work and potential go down the drain every time I see your movies.

Some movies are hard to enjoy, no matter how much we try to overlook the flaws. I simply couldn't concentrate on the dialogues, which is already a big shame, considering that we're in the 21st century and movies in this day and age are not silent anymore. I know most of the cast members were German and they were speaking in a foreign language, but frankly, I don't think that is the audience's fault. So why should we pay for the consequences and put up with these extremely irritating thick accents?, I'll never know. American actor Christopher Kriesa, performing Dr. Douglas Madsen, was perhaps the only decent or at least mildly tolerable character. The others were simply pitiful, especially because of that fictional and laughable form of an antique English dialect, spoken by this group of weirdos who live in a cottage in the middle of the woods. Perhaps this so-called ancient form of English was just a way to cover the fact that the actors weren't English speakers, but the results turn out to be pretty bad anyway. Concerning the plot, I don't know if it is too weak or not, maybe it is, but that is not nearly as blameworthy as the fact that the same story happens twice. Hard to believe as it is, it's real. The exact same story occurs twice in each half of the movie, only with different characters, except for Dr. Douglas Madsen who appears both times. It seems like the writers were desperately trying to fill one hour and a half and they run out of ideas when they finished the first half of the script. It's somewhat hilarious, come to think of it. It's like watching a new horror movie and then the quick remake or something of that sort.I hate being harsh with my reviews, because regardless of how much I can like or dislike a film, there's always a noble effort coming from a director, the cast members and everyone involved in a movie. Perhaps "Chain Reaction" can be appreciated for its little things like the unpretentious moments of plain gore that avoid the cheap CGI for latex and Korn Flakes. Frankly, I didn't enjoy the movie very much, but I'm sure gore worshipers are going to find it bearable on the whole.

The worst movie I have ever seen... and I have seen some really bad movies. The story line made no sense at all (I wanted to write that in all caps, but IMDb doesn't allow it!) The acting was horrendous. The gore was okay at best. Just an overall waste of time. Go to your nearest movie store, close your eyes, and pick out any random movie you can find... I'd bet a lot of money its way better than this piece of crap. Please, don't waste your time watching this. I have seen a lot of horror movies, and if there is any genre out there that gives you a high chance of seeing garbage, it would be gory horror films. Even with that being said, this movie is by far the worst one I've ever seen. Its almost surprising that someone can really put their name in the credits of this movie and not feel like a loser. Avoid!