CALVAIRE, aka THE ORDEAL, is a French film whose sole emphasis is on the brutal treatment suffered by the protagonist at the hands of various countryside-dwelling oddballs, the French equivalent of rednecks. It's a story of oppression and degradation that just so happens to be one of the most unpleasant films I've seen in a long time; not because it's particularly graphic, because it isn't, but because it just dwells on miserable, unpleasant characters doing even more miserable things.Be warned, this is a film that sets out to shock, and gets away with it by hiding under an 'arthouse' tag. Bestiality and male rape play a strong part, along with the exploitation of mental illness and the total subjugation of the human spirit. There are touches of mystery and intrigue in the first half, but the plot less second half piles on the misery and becomes gruelling for all the wrong reasons. There is no ending.The two most interesting things about CALVAIRE are a cameo role for French scream queen Brigitte Lahaie (starlet of many a Jean Rollin film, back in the day) and a surreal sequence in which bar patrons dance to a piece of appalling piano music. Other than that, it's a total dud.

I sat down to write a review for this film as part of a personal project to record and document my opinions of the films I watched... but to be quite honest, I'm not too sure where to begin, how to continue or when to stop... This movie probably set out to cause feelings of disturbing unpleasantness and awkward embarrassment in its audience. Everything is strange and weird from the very first scenes where the artist puts on make-up, and then when his "relationships" with the women who appeared for a short time were described. At a certain point the movie became not less than surreal, and not in a very good way.My taste in cinema and my understanding of it might prove to be a little too shallow and inadequate to enjoy such films, but I think I wouldn't be speaking for myself alone if I said that I simply failed to enjoy this one.The grotesque absurdity borderlines the sick, which I guess was deliberate in order to portray the mental condition of the area's inhabitants. I was really frustrated with the main actor's performance. His singing isn't all that professional and impressive (again, might be deliberate, as he's not exactly successful in his trade). His crying scenes are almost pathetic, he appears to be laughing and sounds very much like the squeals of the pig in the movie (again, that too might be deliberate). The deranged inhabitants, however, showed some very good acting in my opinion, and made the audience feel an uneasy pity followed by a disturbing fear, just as they would feel encountering such psychotics in real life.The best part by far was the piano scene at the local tavern. The music was macabre and artistic, and the dancing seemed like it was part of someone's bad dream.As you can very well see, I'm not too sure what to make of most of the features and elements of this film. I believe the Horror tag to be wrong, but I'm not sure what tag would be right... Stephen King's "Misery' meets "Deliverance" was what I was going to say, maybe some "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" as a review I've read here suggested.All in all - the movie is very artistic and probably has many layers I've failed to uncover. Perhaps that's why I didn't really enjoy it... I can't in good conscience recommend that you watch it, or that you not watch it. This is the kind of film one has to watch in order to know if it suited them or not. Me, personally, it did not.

Marc Stevens, a traveling cabaret singer, is heading across the Belgian countryside to a Christmas party, in the hope to win over a producer who is also attending. But not before fixing his Van, that has just broken down in the middle of the woods. With no real alternative in sight, a strange yet seemingly friendly man by the name of Bartel comes to his rescue. With the promise of food and shelter for the evening and having his car back on the road by the morning, Marc agrees to stay in the company of Bartel at the Inn that he runs. Bartel sees this as an honour, but soon his real intentions become clear and to Marc's horror, these intentions are far from friendly. Marc's nightmarish descent in the bizarre world of sexual delusions is only just beginning. Initially I dismissed this Belgian-French horror film as just another one to add to the pile of Texas Chainsaw wannabes, but when I finally took the time to give it a go, I realized just how wrong I was and learned the important lesson of not judging a movie by its cover. This is anything but ordinary. There are plenty of films out there that show much more graphic violence, but rarely will you see a film that demonstrates such a sheer amount of demented, perverted and disturbing "fun" as this one. Straight away, we get thrown into the morbid world that director, Fabrice Du Welz has created. Through dull, dreary and lifeless colouring, we know straight away that we aren't in for something friendly. The fine mixture of comedy and horror was done to perfection. Nothing is overdone and the films subtleties shows the patience and talent of the makers, which is ultimately why the film works so well. We laugh at things that also send a chill down our spines, which results in the viewer feeling as though they aren't sure what to do, which puts us in the same awkward position that the characters are in. Character interactions are awkward at best, which makes the film such a discomforting experience. None of this, however, would be possible without a stellar performance from the cast, and this predominately French cast, throw in a masterful performance. Laurent Lucas and Phillipe Nahon, two French legends, show why they are considered at the top of the acting food chain. Also paying homage to older classic horror films shows the respect that the director has for my beloved genre. Everything from Sexual Frustrations, social awkwardness, delusions and murder, add up for a very memorable, disturbing and very psychological experience. Brilliant Horror film making like this is a rarity in a struggling genre. If slow burning Psychological Horror is your thing, do yourself as favour and see this film as quickly as possible. Bordering on a Cinematic Masterpiece.

I'm sure lovers of this film will just think I am an uncultured idiot who can't appreciate art. Think what you like, I was bored to tears - to say this movie moves at a snail's pace is misleading. It doesn't move at all! It literally takes its time going nowhere.There's a scene where Bartel examines Marc's van, and I swear it lasted 15 minutes. Just what I want in a horror film - an old man looking through a van.... with no plot progression, no music, no startles or scares. Nothing! Other than being stuck in the woods - where exactly is the similarity to Texas Chainsaw and Deliverance? Those movies were gritty and filled with high tension... this was nothing at all like those movies.So, if you want to hold your nose high and pretend this was high art, go right ahead. Meanwhile, I'll stick with some European horror flicks that actually manage to provide scares (i.e. Inside, REC, Let the Right One In, etc.)