Blood Theatre
Blood Theatre
R | 05 September 1984 (USA)
Blood Theatre Trailers

Three young movie theater employees are given the task of re-opening a long-closed, old-time theater at which, many years before, a shocking series of grisly murders took place. It seems many more murders have occurred since then but all of this remains unknown to these three young upstart employees hoping to finally make it big on their own. As they approach the grand re-opening night, things keep getting stranger and more unsettling with items suddenly starting to move around by themselves without any seen aid and a terrifying old man seemingly haunting the premises.

Reviews
maarck6

I used to have this movie on the original VHS and I used to watch it all of the time, and I always found it to be fun. The story goes as such: a really, really sleazy theatre chain operator, he bootlegs copies of the movies that he shows, and who shows movies like "Amputee Prostitutes", has come up with a brilliant new idea. Open up a long abandoned theatre as a singleplex, and steal from that one too. The trouble is that the theatre has a shady past, people died there, although we never learn the particulars. So he sends his three most capable employees, which ain't saying much, over to his new property to clean it up and to get it ready for its grand opening. This movie then splits into two as the movie details the plot (?) from two important viewpoints; the home office and the new property. And then both murders and supernatural events happen. The movie proceeds down its road of predictability, as it is populated with a cast of characters that are all scheming and who are dumber than dirt. Maybe I was just in a forgiving mood, or maybe I got its tongue-in-cheek snarkiness as the whole movie came across as a Saturday Night Live, or National Lampoon parody of a horror slasher. This is a movie chock filled with murder, bad music, bad acting, bad special effects, bad dubbing, a cheesy soundtrack, college girls in cheerleader outfits, a homicidal ghost, slapstick, a cast whose careers were ended by this movie, a decent body count, a mugging, a dead rat, an out-of-control fog machine, Jamie Foxx in too tight golden spandex pants, a topless Jamie Foxx in a catfight, a death by popcorn machine, a plot that makes absolutely no damn sense, and Mary Woranov who looks like she's having a blast stealing every single scene she's in. And don't miss how she quits her jog. Go Mary!!! I mean, what's not to like here? I found myself laughing continuously, in a movie richly deserving of cult status. Why hasn't this movie been released on Blue Ray already? Bad movie mavens everywhere should see this movie if they can.

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Woodyanders

A movie theater with a bad history of past gruesome murders reopens. Of course, the bloody killings start anew. Written, directed, shot, scored and edited with an appalling lack of flair and finesse by the singularly talentless Rick Sloane (who later disgraced celluloid some more with the absolutely atrocious "Hobgoblins"), this horrendously ham-fisted attempt at a slasher spoof strikes out something rotten in every conceivable way: the excruciatingly lethargic pacing, the painfully static, grainy cinematography (there's a stinky surplus of drab master shots featured throughout), an annoyingly droning and redundant hum'n'shiver synthesizer score, the flat (non)direction, a tediously talky and uneventful script, the groan-inducing sophomoric sense of lowbrow humor, the bloodless murder set pieces, a pitifully unscary killer (he's just some wrinkled-up old guy in pasty make-up), the uniformly obnoxious and unappealing characters, a dissatisfyingly abrupt ending, and lifeless performances from a noticeably uninspired cast all ensure that watching this schlocky swill is about as fun and rewarding as eating rancid raw eels drenched with sour vinegar. This crud totally lacks the necessary crude charm and sleazy vigor required to be enjoyable junk. Instead it's just a bland, plodding and meandering stiff that never catches fire or becomes even remotely amusing in a so-shoddy-it's-smoking sort of way. Only a smidgen of nudity and the delightful presence of the always dependable Mary Woronov as a snarky, sardonic secretary provide a little relief from the overall crumminess of this lousy loser.

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h8prodbiz

To truly appreciate this film you had to be there (acting?) or have been a crew member.Yes, I am "Selena", and at the ripe old age of 42, have serious doubts about what we were doing/did.It all started out to be like a "John Waters" type thing, friends acting badly in bad films. Somewhere along the line,the fun discontinued, people who were supposed to be friends didn't speak anymore, and BAD became worse.I regret the bad image I might have projected.(Try to fit in size one gold spandex pants,)Other than that, the film SUCKS so badly, I would not even make my mama watch it.To my director, cast and crew I say,"Why can't we just all get along??It's been OVER TWENTY YEARS, PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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JimSthers

Mary Woronov and the chick that plays Selina (the bitch of the group) were the saving graces of this movie. There is barely any blood, the acting is bad, the killings are off screen, but on the other hand it has a couple of funny moments, topless nudity, it has a high body count and a lot of good one-liners. See it, you'll laugh a lot.

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