Yes, we all know that Skinemax (and/or the ilk on premium channels) videos have the appeal of a wet ashtray. We all know the sex is fake, the boobs are fake 90% of the time ( usually with atrocious boob jobs- poor girls) they can't show aroused genitalia, any type of sex, sperm etc. Also off the table is a coherent story-line, acting skills, large cast of players to pool from, original music, etc etc. So I set the DVR to record this and watched a few days later and of course its right-off-the-bat into the fake sex-scene without any explanation, then some pointless dialogue that went absolutely nowhere, and then we have two scenes back-to-back of our lead protagonists who are the bikini avengers ( not sure what they are avenging) who seem to spend their time in regular street clothes or spandex unitards and capes, they have a big expensive "bat cave" then depart in the bikini mobile- a Honda. Then its another abrupt sex- scene with the same girl in the 1st but this time its lesbian action with music I swear they lifted from the weather channel. Then its another Avenger scene, alas, still no bikinis another fake sex scene this time with an actress who fakes a Russian accent, back to the avengers bat cave, still no bikinis, fake breasts sex scene with more weather channel music, blah blah blah, back & forth, no bikinis ever. The thing is they changed the title of the move from Bikini Avengers to Bikini Super Heroes, which was an excellent time to change it to Spandex Super Heroes or really what it is : Spandex Boredom Bandits.

This is what you end up watching when you wake up 3:30 in the morning, wide awake with nothing to do and the only things on television are football games played two days earlier and infomercials. Then, there's this. "This" is an insipid soft core porn film that you want to turn away from, but then nudity comes on and you feel that something good is about to happen. So you wait. And you wait. Then you realize "Why is she called 'Bikini Avenger' when she doesn't wear a bikini? And why isn't Thong Girl wearing a thong?" and then you get more nudity. Not that it's a bad thing. Sarah Hunter is lovely to look at in her nude scenes, with creamy white flawless skin that Goth-lovers would swoon over, and soft, natural breasts and a plump ass perfect for, well, making soft core porn erotica. And she's not that bad of an actress, either. The other actors have a so-bad-its-good quality to their delivery, and Nick Manning's performance makes me seriously consider becoming an actor myself, because if he can do it, anybody can. How hard can it be? And then there's a nude scene and you think, "Eh, maybe not." Some soft core erotica films actually become cult classics eventually, but I don't really see that future with this film. It's a one-and-done film; see it once and you'll never have to see it again. Well, unless you want to clip and save Sarah Hunter's scenes. If you're into superhero sexcapades, you may get a kick out of it. This is what the 60's "Batman" could've been if Yvonne Craig, Juli Newmar, and Lee Meriwether had done nudity. Otherwise, pass on it or wake up 3:30am.

Suppose you had a surprise birthday party from all your closest friends and found out no frosting was on your cake? Well, Bikini Avengers is a film that feels like that. All the ingredients are there, but something's missing. Erika Jordan who was so hot in Dirty Blondes From Beyond is back without the spunk she had when she played a nasty alien invader. She is now a very quiet-talking masked superhero disguised as a reporter. Her newer cast mates like Jaqui Holland, (a batman-type partner) all talk like 14 year old Valley Girls on sedation until we reach nude scenes much like reruns from Bikini Airways, but again, sound is missing and covered more by music. Without her clothes, Erika's voice seems to have been dubbed in by Chistine Nuygen who doesn't have a part to play in this sequel either. Eric Masterson is back sprouting gray hair and a double chin, not adding much excitement to his quiet cast. Karen Hall is a standout playing the arch villainess. Nick Manning does well as the super duo's newspaper editor, very similar to World Wrestling's ringside TV announcer.