Battlespace
Battlespace
PG | 20 March 2007 (USA)
Battlespace Trailers

A futuristic sci-fi adventure begins after the destruction of their Universe. With a militaristic race of modified humans in hot pursuit Colonel Mara Shryyke finds herself stranded on an inhospitable planet and discovers a weapon of mass destruction set to destroy her home planet in less then 42 hours!

Reviews
MBunge

From the looks of it, there was a surprising amount of money spent on Battlespace. It's loaded with special effects and even though it all looks like it was pirated from the software used for Babylon 5's CGI, the extent of it is fairly impressive. If the credits are to be believed, this thing was filmed in 4 separate U.S. states and 4 foreign countries. The soundtrack even includes music from an honest-to-goodness orchestra. You can't do that by charging it to a bunch of credit cards. Of course, the credits also list writer/director Neil Johnson and co-star Blake Edgerton over 20 additional times between them for jobs ranging from wardrobe to fight choreography to location manager, so there were some corners cut. Still and all, somebody got some cash from somewhere and poured it into this production. Of course, given how much this film sucks, that somebody would have been better off piling the cash in neat rows on their front lawn and setting it on fire.This thing is epically bad. I mean, it's the kind of bad filmmaking where you find yourself unable to conceive of the person responsible for it. I cannot form an image in my mind of writer/director Johnson as a normal, functional human being. I can't imagine him communicating with other people or doing his taxes or just being able to walk and chew gum at the same time. The closest I get is this fuzzy picture of a mentally ill homeless guy who sleeps on a bed made from the torn pages of terrible sci-fi novels and wanders the streets, muttering gibberish and occasionally accosting people he thinks are out to get him.First of all, Battlespace has enough back story for at least 6 different motion pictures. There's space wars and addictive virtual reality and cybernetic religion and time travel and mysterious aliens and memory wipes after unhappy love triangles and…well, it was awfully hard to keep my attention fixed on this tedious debacle so I may have missed even more stupid exposition about this, that and the other. I'd say that 90% of it was useless except if you removed the voice over narration that explained all this crap, what you'd be left with is a virtually silent movie about people in laser tag outfits running around the desert. Writer/director Johnson's elaborate and involved fictional histories are both the spit and bailing wire holding Battlespace up. Take it away and the film would collapse in on itself like a cinematic singularity.Secondly, there are some laughably awful sequences thrown up here. From a slo-motion fight scene like something out of The Six Million Dollar Man, but without the coolness of Lee Majors or the "nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh" sound effects, to a character hiding from a passing space ship by burying herself under an inch of sand, to trying to pass off what appears to be a nose hair trimmer as a laser gun, I was often left asking "Are they serious or is this meant to be some kind of parody?"The first 3/4ths of the story is a woman in the future named Iva (Eve Connelly) who is frozen in stasis but still narrates the memories of her mother (Eve Connelly) as the mother futilely tries to prevent their homeworld from being blown to bits. The last 1/4th is about Iva meeting a couple of comic relief characters who look like they came straight from losing a Star Wars costume contest, then being told she has to sacrifice herself to jump start another Big Bang. If you're wondering what those two seemingly independent plot lines have to do with each other, stop. The people who made Battlespace didn't worry about it and neither should you.And just to top things off, while Eve Connelly is reasonably attractive and gets a producer credit for this thing, she disregards the Producer Self-Nudity rule and remains fully clothed at all times. I can't blame any discerning actress for refusing to take it all off for this kind of trash but if Connelly had any discernment to begin with, what the *bleep* is she doing here in the first place? She'd have been better off waiting tables and going to auditions. Hell, she'd have been better off taking a welding class at the closest community college.I will say that Battlespace isn't like the sub-amateurish dreck flooding the marketplace where the work of ambitious halfwits is fraudulently foisted onto the public. It's not some C- film school project or what some desperate wannabes cobbled together over a few weekends with their indulgent friends and family. This is a professionally made movie. It was just made by professionals who are really, really, really, really bad at their chosen profession.This is a "must avoid" motion picture. If you even think about watching it, stick a fork in your thigh or something equally painful until the notion goes away.

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tari73

First i have to say that i don't like since fiction movies at all so much! But there are some movies i liked really. This is one of the others ;) I've the same opinion like some (most)others here. The Film is still going on in my back, but the few effects are really not enough to watch the whole time....I think what they have done well are the animated sceneries with 3 suns and 4 Moons, but its the only i liked. There are no intelligent dialogs (are there???). But its a Great Film for everybody who loves Lara Croft or some other Girls in HOT-PANTS... ;)For the directors: " Stop to try again, PLEASE!!! "

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hbdraggin

Really.. So I'm going to have to watch it a third time to find out what I missed..This movie reminded me of when I used to have cable TV and stayed up late to watch some late night program that showed three movies. Invariably, I would fall asleep during the first, wake up during the second, fall asleep again and wake up during the third movie. The overall effect was of watching one really strange movie where nothing made much sense.Well, BATTLESPACE was kind of like that.. It starts out with space battles with lots of ships getting blown up.. Then the main character (who was also the co-producer, anyone notice that?) winds up in a desert staring blankly (which is where I fell asleep) and finally gets to some place where she straps herself to a rocket (Strap on rocket.. no comment) after which there is a little bit more of the space battles and then the scene changes to 6000 years in the future or a billion years, it really wasn't clear with a computer voice with a sense of humor and some comic relief in the form of two bozos from the past..OK, it was low budget.. The special effects were.. ah.. special. I liked the scenes filmed in what looked like a WWII battleship. And the spaceships that resembled submarines. So, I gave it a five out of 10..

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rogermartins333

What's with these school boys who keep saying 'worse move ever made"? I enjoyd this film. It is intellectually stimulating. Sure the budget is small, but why is the a point of complaint? At least the film was made, and more power to the producers for having the balls to getting it made without a big budget. Anyone with 20 million plus dollars can make a film look good and impressive, heck, even Michael Bay looks good at this level. If you want to be intellectually stimulated, watch this movie. If you want to watch cars blow up and people look cool with guns and bikes, watch something else. This film is for intellectuals only, and if you don't get it, don't slag it. You have clearly missed the point.

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