Uncle Jess Franco's itchy camera zooms away from an austere, guarded prison building to the sound of a young woman, naked and chained as it turns out, screaming for mercy. This will be one of a collection of Franco/Erwin C. Dietrich collaboration then, a 'women in prison' drama.Lucky Lina Romay (as Maria da Guerra) is a new inmate. "The crime you are guilty of could not have been committed by a normal woman," she is told, and is soon sent by duplicitous 'doctor' Carlos Costa (Paul Muller) for electro-shock therapy. The torture is suitably graphic and convincingly played, as are subsequent indignities, both sexual and 'therapeutic'. Mostly, this is conducted accompanied by the inappropriately cheery jazz score from regular composers Daniel White and Walter Baumgartner. And while I'm listing familiar elements from other 'WIP' films, yes, the locations are excellent and the director makes very good use of them.On one hand, this is a series of scenes featuring pretty, dubbed women in various sexual situations. On the other, if you find it possible to look beyond that - and it's not always easy - you have a thin tale of Maria, a mentally delicate girl, being abused in a vile manner in a film only Franco could make. The 'doctor' played by Muller has been dubbed with a very camp voice, which makes his sexual manipulation of Maria unlikely. After sharing with us all the dubious sight of his hirsute back whilst rutting with Soledad Miranda in 1970's 'Eugenie De Sade', here similar treats are in store for Lina Romay - lucky Paul Muller! By this time, Maria's so forlorn, she can barely smoke a cigarette.Maria's crime is told in flashback, and in the telling, provides one of the strangest moments in a Franco film - which says a lot. A slow motion scene of incest and violence between her and daddy (Jess Franco) - although it is acted in slow-motion, but filmed at normal speed - demonstrates Maria's current predicament. This is followed up with some almost penetrative shots of various inmates' genitalia (one with inserted cigarette) and a close-up of a dead mouse in Maria's breakfast. Whilst the story is an overall mish-mash and is leanly spread out, there is no denying the set-pieces are guaranteed to disturb, one way or another.Romay is excellent, as is Martine Stedil as Bertha and Beni Cardoso as deranged Rosaria. Monica Swinn plays the monocle-wearing, trouser-less chief wardress. She's very good, even given the usual wall of dubbing that compromises any performance. Why does she do what she does? Because she can. Just why she reserves special treatment for poor Maria, well ...

Well, I'm finally forced to admit it--up to now I've never seen a Jess Franco film (well, not knowingly, anyway; the guy has used 189,000 different names, so I might have seen one among his incredibly prodigious output made under one of those names though I didn't know it at the time). Naturally I knew about him, and his reputation, but I finally got around to seeing my first of one of his films today. And it was this one. And I'm still recovering.All things considered, though, I've seen worse--not much worse, but worse. Then again, you can't judge a Jess Franco film by such arbitrary standards as "good" or "bad"; they just don't apply. Was it well made? No. Was it well acted? No. Was it well written? God, no. Was it enjoyable? Hell, yes. Its enjoyability factor was due in large part to the plethora of gratuitous nudity and just-this-side-of-porn sexual activities--sexual abuse, molestation, rape, incest, lesbianisn, voyeurism, and everything else that makes life worthwhile (at least in a Jess Franco film). It wasn't just the nudity and the sex that make this film so much fun, though. It was the joyously demented attitude of the thing. You got the feeling that Franco said to himself, "Well, I've managed to scrape together a couple of bucks; let's make a sleazoid women in prison picture and get Lina Romay naked as often as humanly possible"; for that philosophy alone he should have gotten a special Oscar.As for the "plot"--as if you care about such trivial matters--a lezbo warden and an effeminate phony doctor run a combination womens prison/torture chamber/home for retired and/or escaped and/or wannabe Nazi concentration camp guards in an unnamed South American country (although it was shot in the Central American country of Honduras, something I'm sure the Honduran government wasn't particularly jazzed about when it finally found out what Jess was up to while shooting in one of their prisons)As a movie, it's not really very good (actually, it stinks). As an example of the "Jess Franco experience", it's somewhat better. As a showpiece for Lina Romay's incredible sex appeal and terrific body, it's a masterpiece. If you go into it with the right attitude, it can be a lot of fun.Come to think of it, even if you DON'T go into it with the right attitude it can be a lot of fun. Enjoy.

www.eattheblinds.comThere's a scene in Barbed Wire Dolls that is so perfectly horrible it should be cinematic legend. It's a young girl's flashback of her father (played by Franco himself) attempting to rape her. The entire scene is shot with Franco's patented wandering zoom, a lens slathered with vaseline and a slow motion effect you have to see to believe.Doing double-duty as "Cinematographer," Franco apparently didn't realize you could change the frame rate on the camera and decided slow motion is best acquired through slow motion acting. Yup, actors pretending to go through the motions in real time slow motion. Hilarious.For someone who hates his own movies and wishes he'd directed Citizen Kane, Franco's taste is not nearly as bad as the choices he consistently makes behind the camera. Within the realm of bad movies, if Ed Wood Jr. is Orson Welles, then Jess Franco is quite possibly John Ford. High praise, indeed. Barbed Wire Dolls is a B- movie with so many juicy tidbits of ineptness, tasteless raunch, camp and cliché you can't help but love this senseless mess. See the slow motion genius for yourself:

Hands down this must be one of the worst movies ever made. For a female prison pic, it's at the bottom of the barrel too. There is really no plot. There's a prison for like 3 or 4 women on an isolated island. There are more guards than prisoners! If you've seen any prison flicks, you know the drill only this one is so slow you will fall asleep in the middle of the rapes and beatings!Oh, yes and then there's the crazy lesbian warden who wears a monacle and likes the prisoners to beat HER up!Oy vey. This movie must have had a three dollar budget.When the three prisoners escape, you'd think everyone on the island would know it because they are talking so loud. Don't expect acting. The quality lies somewhere below a 4 year old reading lines.I'm really shocked by some of the good reviews. This movie isn't even bad-good. It's just a bore.