An earthquake opens up a chasm in New Orleans which unleashes dangerous mutated spiders. The scariest thing about this film is the fact that you are, or you are going to watch this steaming pile of cack. This is one of the super low budget, no script, over the top CGI kind of film that the Sy-Fy channel is famous for, but after watching a lot of those kind of films I can confidently say this is one of the dumbest and worst I have seen. The biggest star in this is Edward Furlong, yes John Connor from "Terminator 2". It's nice to see he's done a lot with his life and the success of his terminator appearance...oh wait, no he hasn't! He hasn't had any acting lessons to improve himself (if he has they weren't worth it!) and by the look of him he's just sat around eating chips/crisps and drinking beer. Although saying that he still looks fairly young so maybe he uses good moisturizer. This is a fact which actually causes a problem in the film as he son looks just a few years younger than he does and therefor the family dynamic is unbelievable. FTR,Sarah Connor would be royally peed off with his terrible bus driving and inability to escape a pursuing foe! All of the acting is dumb and dire. The most emotive I got was hoping that somebody might just kill those annoying women on the boat and bus with their terrible over acting, emotionless crying and whining. The best thing about this film, it's not on too long! OK, maybe the tongue in cheek sound effect used when one of the spider gets hit for a home-run by a baseball bat was the amusing... but the rest is not.The pink CGI spiders are just awful, I expected they would look bad but they are a level of awful which becomes laughable. They can swim, they fly, they breathe fire, they have sonar, they have sensitive hearing, they are missile proof and bulletproof, they can do all the usual spider things too like making webs.... but they have no brains....yet still manage to show more intelligence than the idiots being portrayed on screen. The scale of the CGI spiders seems to vary too, in one shot they may appear small and then the very next shot shows that they are massive, casing point, check the queen spider out at the end. You will have seen better films in your life, better films with a lot less money spent on them, with a cast that you've never heard of... I'd go as far as saying your son/daughter/nephew/niece could probably come up with something better and more plausible using smartphone camera. I have awarded this 1 out of 10 but that's actually pushing it, I'd have given this 0.25 out of 10 if it had of been possible. I am no stranger to low budget rubbish and this is worse than a lot of the films I've subjected myself too.

Much like a 10 car pile up on the highway - I felt compelled to watch this movie to the very end... I feel terrible for all the people who actually watched the whole movie. When I arrived home and it was on and then I saw Edward Furlong so I thought I'd give it a chance. I have absolutely no problem with low budget productions - I get that sometimes the funding for someone's dream or vision just isn't available. The acting, storyline and the 'CGI' was so bad that I actually took the time to register on IMDb to leave a review. What pleases me about watching this movie is that I'm now registered on IMDb and can leave reviews for movies truly worth my time. The end.

Another entry in the trash of SyFy flicks. I only gave it a shot because Edward Furlong was in it, you know, the young dude from Terminator 2 (1991). From the beginning the spiders are on-screen and that was rather okay because the action came in from the beginning. But on the other hand it looked ridiculous due the CGI used.In the beginning the spiders are rather small and believable but once they are throwing fire (CGI) towards humans it becomes laughable. After that the spiders become bigger and bigger and it all ends with a King Kong situation.The story if there was any was stupid and the acting wasn't convincing at all. If you pop up a beer with friends then you will laugh a lot but further this doesn't give us anything at all.Gore 0/5 Nudity 0/5 Effects 1/5 Story 1/5 Comedy 0/5

Arachnoquake is set in New Orleans where Roy (Ethan Phillips) runs a sightseeing tour company for tourist's, annoyed at his layabout son Paul (Bug Hall) he decides to demote him to driving tourist's through the city on a bus. It's his first run of the day & the bus is almost empty but Paul soldiers on like a professional, however they soon notice that all is not right in New Orleans as a new species of Spider seem to infest the city. These Spider's lay egg's in people & breath fire as well, scary. Paul is appointed leader of the group since he was the tour-guide & takes it upon himself to save his customers but he also wants to warn his father & sister Petra (Olivia Hardt), Paul hopes this will impress his father. The army are called in to battle the Spider's so why Paul thinks he should save New Orleans on his own I don't know...Edited & directed by Griff Furst who brought to the screen classics such as Universal Soldiers (2007), Wolvesbayne (2009), Lake Placid 3 (2010) & Swamp Shark (2011) it's genuinely hard to decide which of his films is the worst as none of them can be described as anything approaching good. As you might expect Arachnoquake is a disaster from start to finish, character's are idiotic, the plot is idiotic & the entire 85 minute run time is difficult to sit through. It really is awful, dialogue, character decision's, credibility & entertainment value are all well below par. The whole script is really dumb, from the lazy part where if the Queen Spider is killed all the other's will simply just die to the American military that consist of about five men who set-up their base of operations on a car park roof, the bit when Paul finds his assistant in bed with boils all over her face & her looking really ill yet leaving her & not calling an ambulance to the idea that these Spider's have never surfaced before yet when Paul enter's the tunnels they are about five foot under the surface & who was the genius that decided to give the Spider's the ability to breath fire? Also, was it the same genius who decided to have the huge house sized Spider water ski across a river at the end? It's a pretty funny scene actually. Giant Spider films are hardly original either especially considering this was made by the Sy Fy Channel who have also shown the likes of Ice Spiders (2007) & Camel Spiders (2011), did we need another terrible mutant monster Spider film? I am not sure that we did, the cinematic wasteland of creature features would hardly be worse off if Arachnoquake hadn't been made, would it?Technically Arachnoquake is a mess as well, from the end when the giant Spider explodes yet does not damage the building it's between or leave any trace of itself to Paul firing at it with a shotgun from about a mile away to all sorts of other daft scenes & stupid plotting that just destroys any scares or suspense or tension the makers were trying to achieve. The CGI computer effects are not the worst I have seen in a SyFy Channel film but they are not far behind, they are adequate at best & lousy at worst. There's no blood or gore apart from a couple of exploding boil's on people's skin, none of the annoying character's get deservedly gruesome death's & the who film is very tame & forgettable. There's no sense of scale or destruction or panic here, New Orlean's as a city seems completely uninterested in the fact that it is being overrun by giant fire breathing Spider's.Filmed in Louisiana the production values are rock bottom, Arachnoquake looks cheap because it was cheap. The acting is bad, the likes of Edward Furlong, Tracey Gold & Ethan Phillips obviously can't get any other work although Olivia Hardt is pretty to look at I suppose. I think those involved knew Arachnoquake was going to be rubbish & treated it accordingly.Arachnoquake is rubbish, there really is no other way to describe it. It's not even good for a few laughs, I really do have to stop watching these SyFy Channel films. I would feel better for it. I think I would. OK, I know I would. Would I? Bugger it, I'll be there watching the next time a cheap nothing budget creature feature airs like always. One day one of them will be good, right?