Patently predictable and lame sci-fi / horror thriller, the umpteenth variation on the familiar "Alien" story. (But hey, at least they're up front about what they're ripping off.) A sextet of scientists work deep underground (five miles beneath the earth, to be exact), not knowing the full extent of what their work entails. It seems that the twisted, eccentric genius in their midst, Newton (Kevin Alber), is doing - you guessed it - cutting edge genetic experimentation, from which he hopes to profit big time."Alien Terminator" is a yawn-inducing example of the "same old, same old" when it comes to this kind of genre storytelling. The filmmaking isn't so incompetent, or cheap, that it makes one laugh, unfortunately. It's just boring. Everything about is is just barely adequate, without the redeeming nature of unintended chuckles. It's too hard to care about this tale, or about its characters. The actors aren't unlikable, but their characters are just inane. The incredibly sexy Maria Ford offers some fun playing a tough talking, Ellen Ripley style action babe. The most endearing guy is the doctor, ironically named "Coach" (Bob McFarland), who disappears from the story too soon. Alber is very annoying playing the greedy oddball with the hidden agenda. And yes, folks, since this is a production of Roger Cormans' New Concorde company, you can expect a dose of sex and partial nudity.It's hard to imagine even die hard aficionados of this variety of entertainment being quite enthused by this one.Five out of 10.

The title and video cover would suggest a rip-roaring film about a powerful, sleek fighting machine that is a combo alien/terminator robot who is menacing the generic blonde version of Jabba-esquire Princess Leia in "Return of the Jedi." Um. Not really. Not even close.However, there are gems hidden inside. Diabolically bad dialogue ("Looks like his baby had a temper tantrum...on his face!" A "hero" who's a complete chicken-sh*t with horrible Fabio Junior hair and a certain je ne sais quoi when it comes to wooing the opposite sex.Did I mention the other "hero" who has a mullet and wears overalls for the duration of the film, with but one strap buckled while the other dangles limply? All for the sake of haute couture.It doesn't reach the depths or sheer entertainment value of "When Eagles Strike," "R.O.T.O.R." or "Hollywood Cop," but it certainly aspires to those same levels of meaningless action and pointless dialogue.

This is about some people who, for the past two years, have been living in some sort of laboratory 5 miles underground. They're involved in an experiment to study the effects of isolation on human beings. One of the members, unbeknownst to the others, is conducting experiments into altering DNA to produce the ultimate killing machine. It's kind of hard to believe that 6 people could live together in a very small environment for 2 years without anyone knowing what this guy was up to, but there you have it. This mad scientist is also a crystal meth addict, and he's generally annoying and unlikable. Unfortunately, the rest of the characters aren't much better. There is one nice girl named Rachel, and she's engaged to the only other halfway descent character. There's also an obnoxious girl, a guy with long hair who looks like he should be playing guitar in a country and western act, and some fat guy named Coach.So, mad scientist creates monster which gets loose, everybody gets picked off one by one, and in a scene straight out of the movie Leviathan, the evil corporation that's running the whole thing decides it would be easier to announce that they all died down there than to let them live and explain their illegal DNA experiments.The worst part of the movie is the sets and photography. The underground lab is so small and dark that we never get the feeling these people are moving from one location to another in their attempts to escape the monster. The camera is always zooming around at weird angles and basically annoying the crap out of the viewer, which doesn't help either. Also, you just don't care for the majority of these people. The monster attacks are photographed in such a way that you can't tell what's going on, so the excitement level is kept low. And there are just so many stupid things happening that it's impossible to take anything seriously. For instance, everyone must take a five mile elevator ride to get from the lab to the surface, but in the last half of the movie they seem to forget about this and the lab is all of a sudden right next to the hatch on the surface. At one point a girl takes a propane torch and quickly runs the flame around the edges of a ventilation hatch - I'm guessing we were supposed to think she welded it shut? Yeah, right. We're really that stupid. There's also a bunch of nonsense with a countdown until the life support system is turned off, at which point I guess everyone instantly dies? Or maybe the whole facility blows up? This countdown is announced by a computer that sounds like it should be working in the phone sex industry. Using a word processor creates a voice like a slow motion version of the computer from War Games. The dialogue is also dumb, the best example being when the first guy gets killed and instead of immediately abandoning the facility, they decide they owe it to the company to finish out the last two hours down there.Overall, crummy sets, bothersome camera work, characters that for the most part are either annoying or else you don't care if they live or die, and a bunch of stupidity. I'm normally a huge fan of these low budget Alien ripoff movies, but I'm afraid I have to recommend skipping this one. There just isn't anything to redeem it.

One of the dumbest and yet most entertaining films I've ever seen. The conversations are like porn dialogue, and the plot is ridiculously stupid. Interesting, though, that most of the sci-fi movies that have come out recently have similar plots - goes to show what budgets can do. A great film to watch with a bunch of people - no one will care if they miss anything due to the roaring laughter caused by this intense thriller. Some great lines, too - the stuff lasting inside jokes are made of.