This review contains spoilers (sort of!). Everyone has given this film 1 out of 10, and I'm giving it 8 stars!!??? This isn't because I'm taking the mickey, or because I've gone completely insane. It's just because I love this kind of nonsense!A bunch of scientists who are immune to sub-zero temperatures have somehow discovered by looking at cave paintings that the earth is shortly to tilt on its axis, and thus create a new ice age that will wipe out humanity...except for the indestructible scientists of course! Will they save mankind? You betcha!!!This film has an absolute zero budget, a godawful script, incredibly bad acting, CGI that looks like an oil painting done by a 14 year old, sets that wobble and fall over, and incompetent direction. So, why do I like it so much? Well, just like the old Ed Wood movies (especially Plan 9) what shines through is that everyone involved in this mess tries so hard, so VERY hard to make some kind of statement - despite their complete and utter lack of talent. I just love this kind of sincerity! I can't help it!!!

ABSOLUTE ZERO is an absolute pig of a film; conceived as a zero-budget, made-in-Canada rip-off of THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW, it has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. The modern-day disaster movies made by the SyFy Channel and The Asylum look like masterpieces by comparison.The storyline sees part of a glacier breaking off to bring winter to Miami. Soon enough the whole of Florida is at freezing point so it's up to the usual renegade scientist and his extended family to do something about it. Everything imaginable about the movie is horrid: the script, the dialogue, the almost entire lack of believability throughout. The CGI effects of snow drifts and storms look like they've been drawn onto the camera with a child's pencil. The constant melodrama is laughable.Hardworking B-movie actor Jeff Fahey is the gruff lead here, but even he looks flabby and tired by the whole thing. BAYWATCH actress Erika Eleniak plays his estranged wife, but there were only ever a couple of reasons why she was popular and they've long since headed south. As usual, a couple of annoying teenage children turn out to be the cleverest ones around.

And one where the hilariously ironic title is the only good thing about it and the most inspired it gets. Even for low-budget, Absolute Zero is very amateurishly done with editing as far away from slick as you can possibly go, tacky scenery with the beauty of Miami completely lost for obvious reasons, drab lighting and special effects that look as though they would belong in a disaster movie from 30+ years ago(even high school students have produced better than this). The music is sluggish and over-dramatic and at times it feels very misplaced and the muddied sound quality doesn't help it. The dialogue is horrendous, the jargon sounded like total gibberish to the point of incoherence, the dramatic parts were written in a hammy fashion and not in a while have I seen a movie with romances written as goofy as this one. The story verges on tediousness too often and riddled with ridiculousness and logic lapses. The science is completely unbelievable and sounds like it was made up on the spot, yes I am aware this is science fiction but this was a number of stretches too far, it was intelligence-insulting. If you're looking for fun, thrills or suspense, Absolute Zero is not for you as there is absolutely none of those three in sight. The characters are not engaging in the least bit and none of them seem to give a damn about their situation, like a woman's husband dying tragically(in a very clumsily executed way) and she barely grieves and the lead scientist certainly isn't that concerned about the Earth if he drives around in a Hummer that emits a huge amount of carbon. The acting is just as awful, Jeff Fahey yells his way through his role and Erika Eleniak looks bored out of her skull(don't blame her). Jessica Amlee manages to be the least bad, but that is not saying an awful lot. All in all a terrible movie with zero entertainment value. 1/10 Bethany Cox

David Koch (Jeff Fahey), a climatologist working for Miami-based Inter-Sci, is suddenly sent to Antarctica to investigate a change in climate. Some scientists on the icy continent were killed when there was an abrupt spike in temperature, resulting in shifting ice flows that sent them into the icy waters below. When David arrives down under, the remaining crew tell him that a "cave" has appeared, one that was not noticeable before, and which may have answers to the current phenomena. David leads a group to the cavern but, despite finding prehistoric "cave paintings" that suggest the climate on Antarctica was once warmer, the unstable weather creates death traps. Only David makes it out alive, natch. Back in Miami, David hooks up with a science colleague and his wife, Bryn (Erika Eleniak) who run data and come to the startling conclusion that the earth's "poles" are shifting and that Miami will become the new Antarctice in less than 4 days. Of course, the scummy, money-grubbing leader of Inter-Sci locks horns with David and insists to the United States military that the change in climate will evolve more slowly and that, in any case, the company has it covered. Ho ho, what fun is ahead! David, it turns out, is correct and soon folks sunning by the posh hotels' pools are being pelted with snow and sleet. With only a limited time to get everyone evacuated from Miami and into "warmer" New York and other upper regions, what will be the result? Actually, as far as "B" movies go, I thought this one was pretty entertaining. The cast is not stellar by any means, with Fahey and Eleniak, longtime B stars, looking older and tired and the others not doing Oscar work either. Then, too, the script veers off into silliness from time to time, as it tries to recount a long ago love affair between David and Bryn. But, when it gets down to science and special effects, the film fares much better. The whole premise is fairly interesting and the "chilling" of Miami is fun to watch. Yes, it takes a few pages from The Day After Tomorrow, with its rolling deep freeze frames. But, what the heck, if you love science fiction and chaotic weather situations, you would probably get a kick out of this one, especially on sweltering summer nights when re-runs are the only other options. Go for it.